It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.
It all works out. Don’t worry. …
The Lord will not forsake us.
He will not forsake us.
If we will put our trust in Him,
if we will pray to Him,
if we will live worthy of His blessings,
He will hear our prayers.
~ President Gordon B. Hinckley
The nightmare has ended. For three long months Heath has had the weight of the world on his shoulders and his job held over his head. We knew it would end this way. Three months of rejection and indifference from sought after job opportunities doesn’t lessen the blow of what we knew would happen.
Termination meant the nightmare was over. He still carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. Through it all, we look for the light.
Few things hurt more than watching one’s own child be in pain. Equal to that unbearable situation is watching one’s spouse suffer. Completely fed up with the nightmare of our own lives, I allowed my natural inclinations to take over. I wanted revenge. Although not revenge as much as justice to be served. This is not the first time an employee at this company has taken the fall for a superior political agenda. How could it be happening again? How could HR sit back and let it happen again?
Heath is the most Christ-like person I know. He never faltered. He maintained the utmost level of professionalism and never once gave in. On Monday when I was fed up and angry I walked away from my suggestions to allow Heath to be on a conference call. As I was in the shower and getting myself ready for the day, three songs came to mind.
I didn’t pay attention at first because the first song was Kill Em With Kindness by Selena Gomez. The next two songs were Primary songs with an obvious message of kindness and treating others with respect. By the third song I felt humbled. “Okay,” my mind called out, “I get it.”
I checked my email and saw the Daily Message that day came with this quote.
“[Life’s journey] is a pathway marked by forks and turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed: the courage to say, “No,” the courage to say, “Yes.” Decisions do determine destiny.”
Courage, decisions. I knew I needed to click on the link and read this one. The link pointed to a talk by President Thomas S. Monson in the April 2004 General Conference. As I read, I was reminded of how well Heath had conducted himself while practically being dared to behave otherwise. It does take courage to choose the more difficult right over the easier wrong. It takes courage to be a disciple of Christ.
The next day I struggled with faith. Without my saying anything, Heath kept reminding me that the Lord led us here for a reason. He said over and over that things would work out. Even then I struggled to believe it. I was disappointed that there was no Daily Message that day. As I said in my Sacrament Meeting talk last Sunday, I believe the Lord knows how to reach us and He often reaches me through the things I read. I then went on to talk about what a blessing the Daily Messages have been for me in difficult times.
That afternoon when Heath went to pick up Gavin from track practice, I got an email from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These emails come periodically to members who have made their email available to local leaders. The emails contain links to top stories on the LDS.org homepage. The first link was for a story on faith.
Without action, faith doesn’t have the power to change a single individual, let alone the world. Faith is more than belief. It is more than wishing. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf explains how you can develop the kind of faith that can change your life and the lives of those around you.
I clicked on the link and remembered reading this First Presidency message in the April 2017 Ensign. I felt the Spirit testify to me that the Lord was aware of me and my family’s situation. It was just the Post-it note I needed.
My stress and anxiety were through the roof on Wednesday. I could not figure out why. By Thursday I was calm as a summer breeze. Heath and I knew that Friday was the day. I found my thoughts wandering all day. For the first time in a long time, my thoughts weren’t obsessively centered on Heath and the nightmare of his job. Any time he brought up the fact that he would be inevitably let go the next day, I felt completely calm.
It’s interesting for me to realize just how anxious I naturally am. Yet in those moments that would bring out stressful reactions in anybody, I feel peace and calm. It’s a tender mercy from Heavenly Father. Those feelings are not my own. They definitely come from a higher power.
Heath had gone to the temple when he was in Minneapolis the week prior. The whole week I was less concerned about the crazy things that I worry about when he’s out of town. I was more concerned about his mental well being. He was in Minneapolis meeting face to face with people he has a hard time keeping the smile in his voice for when he talks on the phone with them. I pray for him to get through phone calls. Now for an entire week he was going to have to meet with these people in person. My prayers were frequent and fervent. I prayed he could feel peace in the temple.
Going to the temple was the best thing he could have done. He felt such peace along with an unshakable feeling that things would be okay. That feeling stayed with him all through last week even as he knew he was working toward his own execution. I admit I was jealous. I prayed to feel that same peace and assurance.
It’s taken time. My anger over the frustration of the situation has finally fizzled. My mind has been on a continuous loop of the tender mercies from Monday and Tuesday. Replaying those blessings is how I got through the week and especially the desire to scream on Friday after all was said and done.
Throughout all of this Heath’s team has been praying for him. Many many candles were lit on his behalf, and continue to be lit, by a loving wife of one of Heath’s colleagues. Even the guy who “took” his job has been praying. To the point that his kids asked who Heath was. He explained the situation and they have been praying for Heath ever since.
On Thursday and Friday Heath refereed basketball games all evening. He loves doing this but felt a sense of responsibility to share his talents in this way. Church basketball games begin and end with prayer. The men who prayed had no idea what our situation was. They thanked the Lord for the referees and asked for blessings to be upon them and their families.
Yesterday Heath was outside dealing with weeds. The neighbor across the street came over and asked about our backyard. Heath took him back there and had to admit that we’re stuck for now. We can’t afford to do much more at this point in time. The neighbor was very sympathetic to the situation.
Neighbor: Are you guys believers?
Heath: Yes, we’re Mormon and we are Christian.
Neighbor: So you know the Lord is in charge and that things happen for a reason. I will be praying for you.
It is humbling for me. I know Heath is a great guy. I know he has a lot to offer and that he did a great job despite what the termination would suggest. Having so many people reach out to him to say so is helpful for him. The unsolicited prayers are extra special. We have been fasting and praying about this for months. The answer has always been that things will work out. I had forgotten that recently. Maybe just maybe things will be all right. We sure have a lot of people who believe in us. I know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ believe in us too.