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The inevitabilities of life are death, taxes, and growing children.

Gavin is going through another growth spurt. I saw him the other day and accused him of wearing Parker’s jeans since there was a good two inches of ankle showing. He claimed he found the pants in his drawer. Sometimes I have the kids fold laundry and they have a tendency to forget which clothes are theirs. I don’t know how.

I told Gavin that if the pants said any number smaller than 16 they weren’t his. Apparently they were the size 14 pair I bought a while ago that have stayed useful until now. They are too big for Parker and too small for Gavin so they are out of the rotation in the top of the closet.

What am I supposed to do when Gavin gets too tall for his size 16 pants? One pair is already threatening to show the socks above Gavin’s shoes while he’s standing. I had to dig for those pants when I bought them. The boys section only goes up to a size 16 and of the precious few pair they carry in that size, most of them are Husky. Gavin is anything but husky.

That’s the problem with trying to buy him pants in the men’s section. I don’t think they make pants small enough for Gavin’s tiny waist. And you know they definitely don’t have adjustable waist pants in the men’s section! I wish they did that for women’s pants. I have a pair that fit great everywhere except my waist. I’m constantly hiking them up and inadvertently showing the fact that I do not have a tramp stamp.

While Gavin gets as much use as he can out of his pants that are shrinking before my eyes, he is eating me out of house and home. Just before school resumed for the new year I put in $60 on his school lunch account. Last week I got the low balance notification.

Middle school offers extras at lunch for an extra price. We got after Gavin last year for spending all the money so quickly on extras. He was told to buy a basic lunch and be happy with it. It’s hard to remember not to spend Mom and Dad’s money on overpriced snacks at school when he’s starving.

He comes home from school and eats nonstop until dinner. Then he devours dinner, licks his plate, and attacks the cupboard again until bedtime. I am not kidding. You would think he was some homeless street urchin who has never seen a square meal.

Gwen claimed that Gavin had two packages of fruit snacks when he got home from school and was working on another set after dinner. Fruit snacks were one of those extras he would buy at school for a pretty penny.

Me: Stop eating fruit snacks! We need to go to Costco and we are out of lots of snacks but stop eating fruit snacks!
Heath: They keep your mother alive.

I’m not as concerned about low blood sugar as just watching four or more packages disappear into Gavin’s hollow leg each day. The rule is one package per day per kid. Yes, we ration our food!

Heath gets tired of seeing wrappers all over the kitchen so he has declared a no snack rule. I get tired of the kids filling up on garbage … er snacks. So I’m fine with the no snack rule. The rule is observed by our growing children as a nice wish. Years ago Heath said that if it weren’t for me needing snacks to treat lows we wouldn’t have them in our house.

After Scouts Gavin came home and pulled out the Saltines again. He was rattling the wrapper in my ear before Scouts. I had to freak out. Stop eating! Wisely, I explained that snacks don’t really curb hunger. They’re more like candy. Fun to eat but only provide empty calories. I like the snacks for the quick carb count to raise my blood sugar when needed.

If he is that hungry he needs to eat real food like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So he did. My counters are sticky and he almost got into the peanut butter jar bought specifically for cookies. But he finally stopped eating and went to bed. A few hours later he was up again and the kitchen trembled.