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Gavin: Why do I always feel sick when it’s a day off from school?
Me: Because your body knows you can take a break.

And so the long weekend began.

On Thursday night Gavin said he didn’t feel well. He claimed he ate too much dinner. By the next morning he still wasn’t feeling well. He looked wiped out and he said he puked. Well there goes his run for the day. I let him lie around like a bump on a log. Heath was on the phone all day long. All day long. His calls started at 8:00 and went straight for four hours. He stopped long enough to grab some lunch and he was back on the phone again. Something was in the air and it felt like the whole day was a bust.

I was in a weird mood. Recently I started reading a book in the hopes for inspiration to make better choices regarding my diabetes management. It’s called People with Diabetes Can Eat Anything by Jane K. Dickinson. Sometimes I love the book and other times I feel like I have been doing everything wrong for so long there is no hope of ever getting back on track! That’s where I was on Friday. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the late 80’s when a dietician told me how many choices I could make with each meal – bread, protein, fruit/veggies, dairy, fat, etc. I never felt deprived. I liked the freedom within the safe structure of my meal plan. Then in the 90’s doctors learned that people with diabetes can really eat anything. It’s all about balance. And I was turned loose to count carbs.

While a carb is a carb is a carb, I have been liberal with my carb choices. I don’t crave sweets but I love fast food. That is my weakness. So it’s hard to read a book that preaches a philosophy of never depriving oneself, as long as choices are made in moderation, when that book all but says fast food is the evil spawn of Satan himself. Now … I shouldn’t allow myself to feel so offended. Realistically I just need to cut back on my eating out. That is the healthy and wise choice to make. I could eat more vegetables at home too. But I’m at a standstill with myself. My blood sugars are out of control. I have become very insulin resistant. I keep gaining weight. The more I fit in exercise the faster the weight goes up. It’s frustrating.

To top it all off I have an all or nothing personality. I’m finally ready to accept responsibility for the poor choices I have been making. So I want to change everything all at once. I have increased basal rates slightly and changed my insulin to carb ratio so I get more insulin for the food I eat. I am trying to ignore the numbers on the scale and keep exercising. All of these changes are a great start but contributed to a horrible night.

With my new resolve to eat a little healthier, I had a light lunch. I had half a tuna fish sandwich, saving myself the extra carbs in a second piece of bread. A glass of milk and an apple rounded out the meal. Not bad. I bolused accordingly and decided to do some fabric shopping with Gwen. We were ready to leave about an hour after lunch. I don’t always check my blood sugar before I drive but I decided to since my lunch had more simple carbs than all the bread choices I normally make. My blood sugar was in the 170 range with over 10 units of active insulin. And I was about to go walk through a craft store. I ate a package of fruit snacks and suspended my pump for 30 minutes.

When we got back Gwen and Parker went to the park to play. I hung out with Heath watching TV while he finished working. Gwen and Parker came home and seemed happy and normal. Gwen went into her room for a bit and came back announcing she had thrown up. What? That came out of nowhere. We lectured her about running to the bathroom if she doesn’t feel well. I remember that was drilled into my head as a child and as far as I can remember I never violated the rule. Even though we have been telling our kids for years to run for the bathroom, they still seem surprised by the sensation and empty their guts wherever they are. I wish so much that she would have thrown up in the bathroom. The events of last night may have been different.

Heath and I donned gloves. He asked if I wanted to do the initial cleaning or the steam cleaning. I chose the steam cleaning. My knight in shining armor cleaned it all for me. I was ready to steam clean the carpet but was having trouble suppressing the gag reflex. The smell was overpowering. I used to have a much stronger stomach but three pregnancies have made me so sensitive to smells and different unpleasant situations. Heath is such a sweetheart to take over for me. I didn’t say anything. I was prepared to do it but he grabbed Large Marge and started steam cleaning for me. It was nice because I could stay out of the room. Between the smell and the emergency situation, I thought my blood sugar was dropping low. It was a subtle feeling and I dismissed it for too long.

The pizza arrived for Game Day at the same time that my meter read 53. My heart was pounding and I had that classic weak and shaky feeling. Only I wasn’t very hungry. I suspended my pump and ate two packages of fruit snacks to get my blood sugar up quickly. When I tried to eat the pizza it had way too much flavor. I was starting to feel nauseas. Parker was really upset because we wouldn’t let him eat any pizza. He hadn’t gotten sick yet but it seemed to be making its way through the group. Three cups of partially eaten Ramen noodles sat on the table. I needed the carbs in the pizza but I preferred the lighter flavor of the green salad Heath ordered for me. I didn’t even know I could order a salad. I think I will do that from now on! Hopefully I don’t barf it up next time.

I hadn’t eaten much but I was really not feeling well. Why does this always happen? Every time something crazy happens with the kids my blood sugar drops low and I can’t force myself to eat. I tried to lie down and watch the game. I kept thinking it was all in my head. It was the smell that triggered the feeling in me. No matter what I told myself the feeling became more intense. Soon I had to empty my guts.

For the next three quarters of the game my body freaked out. I tested my blood sugar so many times and it refused to come up to a safe range. One minute I was sweating bullets from every inch of my body while my heart pounded. I tried to drink juice and regular sugar soda. Anything to get my blood sugar back up. When my blood sugar started to come up I was freezing and sleepy. Soon my legs were sweating again. My hair was damp from sweat and when I leaned forward I could tell my back was sweaty. I couldn’t tell if I should pray to die or pray that I didn’t die from low blood sugar. May you never experience the horror that is stubborn low blood sugar! By the end of the third quarter I could focus on the game. I had a headache but I was starting to finally feel better. My blood sugar was very slowly but steadily climbing. I’m glad I remembered we had Ritz crackers. Between the Ritz and orange Fanta I was starting to stabilize. When my blood sugar was 140 I turned my pump back on.

The movie was out the window. Or flushed down the toilet as Parker put it. He wanted to play with his dad’s Ghostbuster Legos but Gwen got sick. Parker said right there, “Well that idea just got flushed down the toilet!” Heath and I planned to see a late showing of The Martian after the game. I was not up for a movie. I did feel well enough to enjoy the fourth quarter of the game. Apparently BYU waited until then to pull out their A game. At least I saw the best part!

Parker was such a sweetheart. He had gone upstairs to sulk about not playing with Legos. While he was up there he had a change of heart. He helped Gwen get comfortable in bed and fall asleep. He prayed that Gwen and I would feel better soon. He came down to watch the last quarter but he would get up frequently to check on Gwen.

I emptied my guts one last time when I went to bed. Heath tried to talk me out of it. My blood sugar was 160 and I was terrified of throwing up what small amounts of food I had in my body. There was no stopping it and I did feel better afterward. I didn’t sleep well and woke up stiff and sore. But my blood sugar didn’t move all night. Or at least it was 168 when I woke up. Not bad. I have slowly started to reintroduce food into my system throughout the day. Heath took me on a long walk after lunch. That was nice after lying around all day watching General Conference. The plan is still to try to see The Martian tonight after the Priesthood Session. What a crazy weekend.