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Holidays are my least favorite days. There are many reasons and here are yet more reasons to add to my arsenal.

Yesterday I was overcome by a feeling. It felt the exact opposite of nostalgia, whatever feeling that’s called. I wondered when we could skip the charade of magical mythical creature breaking and entering to leave holiday gifts. I just wasn’t in the mood. It’s so much work. I loved it when my kids were little. But now I only have one who still believes and I can’t wait for her to find out.

Not that I want to spill the beans. I still deeply regret doing that to Gavin. Gwen saw the books in the top of my closet and asked about them. All I could do was blink a few times hoping she would either drop it or figure it out. She dropped it. After that incident I made sure my pants weren’t put away neatly anymore so the pant legs could drape over the books. It was the best I could do. I still wished she would have just put two and two together.

It was so tempting to put an end to it all though. The Tooth Fairy is becoming more and more forgetful as time wears on. Gwen thinks Santa used my Cricut because she could see the bike outline on my mat. The Easter Bunny has nothing to do with anything. Can we stop the insanity already?

It’s us. The parents. We do it all. Sorry kids, there are no made up Pagan gods who deliver gifts taking credit from the parents. None of it is real. Please let me go to bed at a reasonable hour and not have to wake up early to “discover” my own treasures.

I don’t know. Christmas is one thing. I love Christmas. I love the whole season. Even the worldly traditions easily go with the true meaning of the holiday. I don’t have to stay up late the night before. Just long enough to make it look like a fat man has been in the house and left gifts behind wrapped in different paper. Easter should be an equally inspiring holiday yet the traditions always feel like such a stretch.

A bunny hides colored eggs full of candy and everyone is okay with this? Bunny? Eggs? The mind boggles at the absurdity of it all. Baskets full of colorful grass are left to collect the eggs the bunny left. The grass is nothing short of evil. It’s shredded plastic that clings to everything through static electricity. It cannot be easily vacuumed because some of it is always left over. What the vacuum picks up just gums up the works. It gets everywhere and serves no purpose. We stopped using Easter grass years ago.

Dyeing hard boiled eggs is a tradition I have always hated. Even as a child. Yes, sorry Mom! I don’t get it. What does one thing have to do with another? At least with the plastic eggs there is the opportunity to hide them empty. In honor of the empty tomb.

I get the idea behind all the symbols of spring. New life, new beginnings, hope for the future, plastic grass to last until the end of time. It still feels like a long stretch with a bit of a leap to make any connection to the resurrection of our Lord. My biggest pet peeve this year was how every week in Primary the kids were told that Easter is not about … long list of Pagan traditions … it’s about Jesus. Then take down the decorations and stop giving out treats. It’s a distraction the kids don’t need in church!

This is where I was yesterday. A large question mark slowly rotating above my head asking why. I still went to the store with Heath so we could buy candy to stuff in plastic eggs to hide all over the house after the kids went to bed. Earlier in the week we bought a bag of candy. It wasn’t Easter candy per se. Just a large bag of fruity taffy that looked good. Our children quickly foiled us.

For the first time in maybe ever, the kids actually greeted us in the garage when we got home to help us bring in the groceries. We were not counting on this sudden desire for unsolicited service. The candy was discovered as I knew it inevitably would be. And Gwen asked to eat some every dang day after that. With no other candy alternatives (we could have used the old Halloween candy in the back of the pantry), we went to the store for chocolate. Lucky us there were great deals to obliterate the surplus of holiday candy before Easter.

Gwen was very concerned I hadn’t decorated for Easter. I reminded her I have no Easter decorations nor do I want them. She wanted to help put out the Easter baskets. I told her to just go to bed or I would tell the Easter Bunny not to come. Kids went to bed. Candy that had been hidden in the cars was brought in along with the Easter baskets and plastic eggs we “let the Easter Bunny use!”

After an hour and a half Jessa Duggar still wasn’t married but the candy had all been distributed among the eggs that had also been hidden. We watched her finally get hitched and then we went to bed.

My earliest thoughts this morning had nothing to do with Easter. They were more along the lines of knowing I needed to get in the shower before General Conference started so I could be ready for my temple recommend interview with the Stake Presidency counselor between sessions.

Gwen’s door opened and suddenly I remembered. We probably should get up so the kids can get on with the festivities. It was the last thing I wanted to do right then. But Gwen admitted she had seen the baskets. She wasn’t snooping. She just saw them on the “square stairs.”

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I almost forgot we decided to put the baskets on the landing between the two sets of stairs instead of the coffee table in the front room.

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These pictures are classic. You can tell Gwen is 7 years old and still believes. She appears to be the only one excited about Easter. Gavin looks extremely irritated that she would dare wake him up for an Easter egg hunt. Parker looks indifferent at best. I love how messy the hallway and bedrooms are. You can see how unprepared I was for Easter. I knew it was coming but somehow I just didn’t care. We cleaned up downstairs so the Easter Bunny would come.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the true meaning of Easter and the reason why we celebrate at all. I was looking forward to watching General Conference all weekend. It’s church services that don’t come with a dress code or chore inventory. General Conference over Easter is even better. Lots of Savior themed talks.

We got a few pictures and the kids went wild searching for eggs we supposedly left for a bunny. Then the gluttony began. General Conference meant the kids didn’t even get a break from their candy to go to church. They sat around in pajamas all day listening to Conference and shoveling candy in their mouths by the armful. This goes on every year. I never put a stop to it because I figure I would rather have that stuff out of my house as soon as possible. Leftover candy becomes too tempting for me to steal. Eat it up. Get it out of here!

Heath had to go to the church to help with youth temple recommend interviews. He took the fruity taffy with him. It was all the candy we had left!

As I listened to Conference these last two days I have been obsessed with putting a puzzle together. I was in the zone trying to find homes for puzzle pieces when Heath told me he was leaving for the church. He mentioned lunch. I know I don’t always listen to everything he says. He knows this too. It’s not a secret. Anyway, I thought he had decided that he wanted a personal pizza but that maybe we shouldn’t stress over making the kids lunch. After all, they had eaten candy all morning.

He left and I put a few more pieces in place before changing my clothes and leaving myself for my temple recommend interview. When I got home the oven was on. I couldn’t remember if it was on before I left. Since I wasn’t paying much attention to the world outside my puzzle I imagined Heath had turned it on before he left. What I couldn’t remember was why. In fact I racked my brains trying to remember what he told me to do for lunch. Since the oven was on I assumed he wanted me to warm pizzas up for everyone. I thought out loud trying to get the help of my children. What did your father want me to do? Why is the oven on? They didn’t know.

It was strange the oven was set to low. Maybe he said he would do something for dinner in the oven when he got home. We were having chili Verde. Either way, we had a heated up oven and I really felt like I was supposed to do something about that. Even though the oven was set to low it immediately said it was at temperature when I typed in 350 degrees. I heated up the pizzas and Heath came home just in time to enjoy his as the last session of Conference was beginning.

I told him about my lapse in memory. His face immediately registered recognition when I told him about the oven and how I didn’t remember what he asked me to do. He ran across the kitchen for the crock pot and started laughing. Apparently he had texted Gavin to set the slow cooker (I call it a crock pot but either way our kids don’t know what it is) to low. Gavin didn’t know what he meant so he had set the oven to low. Oops. We all had a good laugh and a large lunch. Well I didn’t. I ate an apple in an effort to keep my blood sugar more stable on a low movement day.

Dinner was around 5:30. I was starving. My blood sugar was low and my body was very aware I hadn’t fed it much since breakfast. The kids on the other hand only thought they were hungry for dinner. My fork flew in and out of my mouth as quickly as they had fed themselves candy all morning. Parker got up from the table without finishing his dinner and announced his stomach hurt. He said he felt like he wanted to throw up. I pointed at the bathroom so he went in. He puked a little and said he felt better.

At that moment, Gwen had gotten up from the table and walked into the kitchen. I heard this strange splashing sound like she was pouring water on the floor. Or the contents of her stomach. Heath mopped up regurgitated chocolate with tortilla chunks while I put her in the shower. Then I mopped the floor after Heath had sanitized it with cleaning wipes and I got to wash Gwen’s hair again because apparently I missed a gross spot.

Vomit. The kids haven’t even missed a day of school this year. Colds have been short and painless. We just haven’t been sick this year. They aren’t sick now. They just ate too much. Happy Easter to us! Heath and I swore to the kids we would tell the Easter Bunny to not bring candy next year. Still a little green around the gills, they agreed.

Can we please tell the Easter Bunny to stop coming altogether? I really hate the idea of the Easter Bunny. I love that “he” brings gospel themed books for the kids to peruse during Sacrament Meeting. That is my favorite family tradition for this holiday. It’s something fun for the kids while still in keeping with the purpose of the season – Jesus Christ. But oh my goodness, please don’t make me stay up late the night before stuffing eggs with candy the kids are just going to overeat the next day. I’m so over that part of Easter.

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