No matter how often I blink the world is still smudged. This is my worst nightmare. Going blind. Sometimes in my dreams I have to drive a car and I can’t see. My glasses seem to have a greasy film on them that will not rub off. If I dream that I’m wearing contacts I feel like they are glued to my eyes the way they do after I have slept in them. The recurring message of my dreams is I can’t see. It’s a terrible feeling.
Who knows what that really means? I don’t know how to interpret my dreams. They are vivid and very strange. While I haven’t had any smeared dreams lately I thought about it this morning.
Fog is a symptom of winter around here. Some years we have many foggy mornings. Other years the fog rolls in occasionally. When Gavin was in kindergarten I woke up to fog and had a mini panic attack wondering how I would drive in it. A friend who lived a couple streets away called that morning and asked if she could take Gavin to school. I don’t remember why. But I was relieved to not have to drive in the fog.
Over the years I have avoided most foggy days carpooling with my neighbor. Somehow the worst foggy days landed on her day to drive. Dumb luck I guess. If I had to drive in the fog I quickly learned that it was densest along the road to nowhere. Once I got to the main road visibility was much greater. Then I would turn into the neighborhood by the school and the fog hung in the air like a thick blanket.
More often than not when I wake up to fog it dissipates by the time I have to drive kids to school. This week has been interesting. There have been foggy mornings and clear mornings where the sun was so bright it was blinding. Either way it has been difficult to see as I make my twice daily pilgrimage to the school in the mornings.
I remember only a handful of foggy days when I was a kid. I loved those days. It was like walking through a cloud all the way to school. One year the fog was really thick over the field. My friends and I walked into the center of the field hoping to see what it was like to be in a cloud. I remember being disappointed that I could always see several feet around me. The only consolation was that we couldn’t see the school after a certain point. When we walked back and the school was in view, a ball of white cotton candy showed where we had been.
That disappointment I felt reminded me of when I was very young. I told my mom that I wanted to go into an airplane and open the window to capture a cloud in a jar. She told me it wasn’t possible. My heart broke. How can it be impossible to catch a cloud? It’s the one force of nature I have always been jealous of.
I love watching clouds wrapped around mountain tops like some sort of bearded disguise. My favorite scene is when the sun starts to burn through the fluffy layer of fog hovering just above the grass in the park.
Fog is really quite beautiful. Until you have to drive in it. I could barely see anything as I drove up the road to nowhere this morning. Gwen kept saying that the parked cars seemed to jump out of nowhere. It was a little more subtle than that. More like trying to read without glasses. The closer I move toward the text the sharper the image becomes.
Normally I have a sense of peace and anonymity when I’m in fog. Today it was too uncomfortable. I really wanted to rub my eyes hoping to clear up my vision. It felt like I was living my worst nightmare. When I finally made it to the main road my visibility was still very limited. Headlights would shine through like fireflies until the surrounding car finally emerged into sight.
Traffic was slow and grouped into tight packs. Whether driving to or from school I have to move over a couple lanes into the left lane. It was difficult to work my way through the close knit pack of cars.
Gwen kept saying, “Grandma would be home playing with Play-Do today.” Dawn grew up in California’s Central Valley where the fog could be so thick the schools had fog days. Schools closed when you couldn’t see across the street. As bad as this fog was – the worst I had ever seen – it was nothing compared to what Grandma grew up with. Heath served his church mission in the Simi Valley area. He said the fog would be so bad you couldn’t see the traffic light on the other side of the intersection. This was nothing. I hated it but it was nothing.
The good news is tomorrow I don’t have to drive! Heath has taken the day off and promised he would chauffer the kids to school. Wahoo! Between the blinding sun right in the middle of the windshield on clear days and the crazy foggy days, I’m done driving. For a few days anyway.
They say anticipation is often better than the prize. I’m not sure that’s true. This week has been long as I impatiently wait for Friday. Monday I tutored and forgot Gavin had piano lessons. Tuesday I saw my pump nurse and carpooled to Cub Scouts. Wednesday I had a Primary Presidency Meeting and did the Siouxsie Homemaker thing all day. Today I tutored again. And finally … finally Friday is upon us.
I don’t care if we go to Timbuktu or stay in all day. I won’t hear any phone meetings. We can do whatever we want (or do nothing) all day while the kids are in school. Then we get to hang out with the boys all evening while Gwen goes to another birthday party. Federal Holiday on Monday which means no school and no work. Ahh … can life get any better?