If you have never had the rare privilege of parenting a 5 or 6 year old girl, then you should read Junie B. Jones books. Those books are hilarious. They are so true to life. My favorite part of reading them to my own young daughter is that she will act out the scenes as I read them. If a character shrugs she shrugs. If someone makes a face or huffs or anything like that she does it too. Which tells me that the writing is descriptively clear and honest. Those books are too funny. Here are a few of Gwen’s latest Say Whats.

Gwen: This is the Pacific Ocean? What! Mom! This map says that this is the Pacific Ocean! Wow!

Gwen: My wings broke!
Heath: That’s what you get with cheap stuff.
Gwen: They aren’t cheap! They came from the dollar store!

Gwen: What’s your favorite word?
Heath pointing at me: Sexy!
Gwen: I can’t write that. I’ll just say love.


One night we kept hearing this strange sound. I couldn’t tell if Gwen was crying or if it was a cat outside. Finally Gwen came downstairs.
Me: What’s wrong now?
Gwen: I thought you guys were dead!
Me: Why would you think that?
Gwen: Because you weren’t hearing me cry!
Me: We heard something but it sounded like a cat. Why are you crying?
Gwen: Because I’m thirsty.
Me: You remember where we keep the water right? In the faucet where it’s always been.
Heath: Rowwwr!
We teased her with cat sounds for a while. She was laughing but pretending to be upset. She got her drink and went back to bed. Every night it’s something with her. This night was pretty funny.

Gwen: Didn’t you wear that shirt yesterday?
Me: Yes, I wore this t-shirt to bed.
Gwen: Oh, I thought you stayed up all night blogging or something. That would be boring!

Gwen: Dad … scared … the soul … out of myself!


Gwen: What does an ego look like?

Gwen: I’m sorry I used the F word because I said fat. But I didn’t say it about anybody!

Gwen: I’m through with scared of Ghostbusters. I guess my shadow was just made to fly. Because Peter Pan’s was.
Then she jumped and hopped away.