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Knowing When to Quit

09 Saturday Mar 2013

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There are many lessons in life that must be learned. These are lessons that cannot be taught in school. There is no brochure or owner’s manual on the subject. These are things experience teaches. The sooner we learn some of these lessons the better.

Knowing when to quit is one such example.

Most people give the advice to quit while you’re a head. Since I also have a body with arms and legs sticking out, I’ve never understood that advice! Quit while you’re a head. As if we’re all a bunching of floating heads! Or can detach ourselves at the neck at whim.

Okay okay. I know. I’m not an idiot! They mean quit while you’re ahead. That space makes all the difference no?

Heath and I have been bike riding every Saturday since I got my new bike. It’s been a lot of fun. Not sure my butt would agree but it has been a lot of fun. He pushes me to go further each time, which is good.

Today was the best ride yet. As he pointed out landmarks and streets to me from the trail I was impressed with myself. He kept asking how I was doing and he let me be in charge of when to turn around and go back home. My legs were really feeling it but I kind of get addicted to that feeling when I exercise. Feel the burn, smile, and keep going!

At one point we stopped to take a break and Heath saw that he missed a call. Then he saw that the call came from home. But he couldn’t make out the message the kids left. We were both doing quick math in our heads. It took us this long to get to this point but how fast could we conceivably get home in case someone is dying in a puddle of blood? He called home to figure out what was up.

“That’s what you called me for? Are you kidding? … Yes, you can play video games until Mom and Dad get home!”

Nothing to worry about so we trudged on. Honestly, I don’t know what convinced me to quit the forward motion and move for home. It was probably a joint decision. I was tired in an exhilarating way but knew every yard forward was another yard back. (I have to measure in yards because it’s not like we really go that many miles. Actually, it’s kind of depressing to realize that round trip we only went about five miles today!)

It was a good thing we had quit when we did. At first things were whizzing past us faster than the first time around. I wondered if it was a been there seen it kind of phenomenon. Heath checked his phone app and saw that we were making better time! Sweet. The last mile was brutal though. I could not keep up with Heath to save my life. I pedaled the whole time but I was slower than tar going uphill on a cold day. My energy was completely spent and my butt was starting to scream.

Somehow we made it home. Even though it felt like I needed surgery to be separated from the bike seat, I managed to get off. Perhaps we should have quit earlier. I don’t know. Maybe that’s just my sore muscles talking though.

I have been working on an Easter dress for Gwen. The jacket went really fast. I made that yesterday. The dress seemed fairly simple so I was excited to see how much of it I could finish today. Knowing when to quit during a bike ride is still elusive but I do know when to quit in sewing.

It’s when I start making a lot of mistakes. The nice thing with sewing is that for the most part there is no point of no return. Mistakes can be fixed. Except when you look at the wrong directions and complete a dress bodice without sleeves when you intended to have sleeves. There was no unpicking to try again. I had clipped the seam allowance. Good thing there’s a jacket! Not that there’s anything wrong with a sleeveless dress. Heath and I prefer sleeves because it’s more modest.

The other thing with sewing is that it’s hard to quit. As the pieces start to come together and the garment takes shape it’s exciting. I can’t help but want to do more. So I got over the sleeve mistake and was ready to move on. Somehow I managed to throw my pins across the room. I don’t even know what happened. I picked up the magnetic heart and the next thing I knew it was facedown across the room, pins scattered in a line along the path. That’s when I knew it was time to quit.

Some of you may be thinking that these are nice examples but they don’t quite relate to you. Perhaps this next one will.

You’re driving to a restaurant for dinner. Your mouth is anticipating the food you want to order. Your tastebuds are tingling just thinking about the Diet Coke (er whatever drink you prefer).

A sign catches your eye. It’s for a bagel shop. You know that shop closes in the early afternoon. But then you see the neon open sign shining like a beacon of hope. Your mind begins to race. Mmm, bagels sound good. A nice warm sesame seed bagel with cream cheese shmear. Normally you get plain cream cheese but you’re feeling wild tonight and are imagining a garlic and herb shmear. Wait, kissing would be off limits then. Ooh, how about a soft strawberry? Yum.

That’s it. Your mind is made up. Bagels it is. But wait, what is this?

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The open light is on but nobody is home.

Tip #3 in knowing when to quit: Turn off the sign when you lock up shop!

Thoroughly disappointed, you eat at the original restaurant. It doesn’t hit the spot. When you go home you craft an eloquent letter to the bagel shop describing how appalled you are at their trickery while including a copy of the picture. I mean really, who said that bagels can only be consumed for breakfast and lunch anyway?

TMI

08 Friday Mar 2013

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Where should the line be drawn at too much information? Does it depend on culture, families, as well as individual tastes and comfort levels?

I will freely admit that I have a tendency to fall into the TMI trap. After years and years of being a very guarded and private person, I somehow jumped to the other end of the spectrum!

Part of my openness, shall we say, stems from my family. My mom would parade around the house partially dressed all morning until she was ready for the day. Her last step was to get dressed. I was horrified by this as a child. Now I do the same thing. Open blinds don’t worry me. If someone wants to look they should enjoy the show.

Speaking of open blinds, the blinds in the back of the house are always open. I never shut them. In the middle of the night when I’m raiding the kitchen for a low blood sugar snack I often wonder if the people across the ravine can see in. Perhaps I shouldn’t have shared that little tidbit that the back of my house is wide open.

My family also contributes to my open delinquency with an off balance level of estrogen to testosterone. Get enough girls together and the girl talk begins. Some men may blush. Weak men need not apply. No topic is off limits. Unfortunately I forget that in the real world there are rules of etiquette. 

Apparently some people don’t feel it’s necessary to know whether or not I have showered or am currently wearing a bra. Personally, I think the explanation goes without saying. If someone outside of my family catches me in that situation I figure it’s pretty obvious. My bringing it up lets the other person know I know that they know and we can laugh about it, you know.

It’s not like it’s an everyday occurrence for me to be in this embarrassing state. Normally I’m quite clean and fully clothed. If I’m dirty and unharnessed it’s because I’m busy deep cleaning the house. If I’m just unharnessed it’s because I have given up for the day and am ready to pass the evening free and unfettered in my comfy jammies. So what if this happens at 7:00 pm? Or earlier on a Sunday afternoon? Only on Sundays while I may be in jammies I am still in a bra. There are rules you know!

Too much? Well I shared about myself, now it’s your turn!

Eye don’t know

06 Wednesday Mar 2013

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Gavin and Gwen went to the eye doctor yesterday.

Gwen’s sty on her eye is looking a lot better thanks to some real advice from the optometrist. The pediatrician was no help. Friends give unsolicited advice that is no help. At least I finally landed on something that works for her.

Prevention – well, there really is no preventing stys. If a person is susceptible they will get them. However, the optometrist said I need to really scrub her eyes well each time she bathes. Then make sure she is taking good care of her eyes when she’s old enough to wear makeup.

Onset – when a sty threatens to form put warm compresses on it until you’re blue in the face. Good to know. We hadn’t been doing enough.

Coming to a head – if the sty persists and turns into a nasty infected pimple on her eyelid then use a warm washcloth to massage her eyelid towards the lash line. The pores should open enough for the sty to drain. Then rinse her eyes with eye drops.

Gavin’s prescription changed again. One eye got worse while the other stayed the same. I do worry this kid will be legally blind before he hits high school. The optometrist is concerned that his prescription changes every year. She offered the weird contact solution again. This is where he wears contacts at night. They correct his eyes while he sleeps and he should wake up with 20/20 vision. It’s not a permanent fix but over time the contacts should keep his eyes from getting worse.

Heath and I have many concerns about this. My biggest concern is how will we get Gavin to wear contacts? This is the kid that won’t ever let me cut his nails without a screaming match. I have given up even trying. I don’t know how he gets the job done and frankly, I don’t want to know! Gavin is also the kid that hates having his hair cut. That’s another fight if I do it. If we take him somewhere he freaks out the whole way there. The last time he got his hair cut by a professional he wouldn’t let her trim his neck. I hate neck hair!

Now someone is telling me that nightly contacts will keep my child’s eyesight from getting worse. And only for the reasonable cost of a small country.

The other thing she said is that she is concerned with different visual skills that are weak in Gavin. I guess everyone is born with these innate skills but some people really struggle with it. These are skills that glasses or contacts or surgery can’t address. Skills like tracking or coordination.

If left unchecked these weaknesses develop into struggles in school as well as other aspects of life. It’s a fascinating concept. She gave me a questionnaire to fill out to see how Gavin rates. She also wants to do an initial screening on him to see where he falls and if he would be a good candidate for the clinic she runs in the office. But she never said anything about price so I’m thinking I will have to rob three banks just to think about it.

Obviously I want to do what’s best for Gavin. I want him to have every opportunity to be successful in life. I just don’t know what to do or think. Heath is very hesitant for various reasons which I can understand. School has been such a frustrating experience for Gavin and us, as his parents. I just wonder if there is something to this. It didn’t come from a teacher – a person who can’t diagnose anything. It came from a medical professional. A pediatric optometrist that I really like and trust.

But then I hear all these messages that make it seem like the world is trying to screw everyone over. I babysat for a friend yesterday while she ran to the dentist for a cleaning. When she came back she was telling me she wants to change dentists. She had the impression he feels threatened anytime she asks a question. Plus, her family has so many medical issues that complicate life that she doesn’t want to add anything more to their bodies. She read somewhere that cavities can heal themselves with proper nutrition and oral hygiene. She also read that fillings add hormones to girls and she’s already worried about how early girls are maturing.

Personally, I don’t think the dentist is trying to get her money over taking care of her family. We already saw that dentist! But I’m not her and I don’t deal with the pressures and concerns she has with her family’s needs. I know there are medical professionals that have forgotten the people they care for in the name of making more money. I know insurance companies screw people over all the time. Everyone is trying to protect themselves to the point that the people who need the help are unfairly caught in the middle.

I don’t know who to trust. All I know is that Gavin is brilliant but that intelligence isn’t always coming out where and when it needs to. I don’t know how to get him to “play the game” so to speak. He bombed a math test recently and I had to crack up at one of his answers. He was supposed to make up and put three fractions in order and then tell how he knew it was correct. He said, “I know it’s right because I did the steps exactly how I was told.” I would give him a high five if I knew he meant to be snotty! But that’s not Gavin so I just laugh.

Anyway, it’s a dilemma with no clear answers. I think I will sew some more. When in doubt, sew.

What is the meaning of this?

04 Monday Mar 2013

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This is my favorite thing Gavin says! My friend and I are always looking for opportunities to use this line.

Tristan hasn’t been blogging much lately. What is the meaning of this?

Gwen doesn’t need shots? You don’t need a urine sample? We’re all done? What is the meaning of this?

Those kind of work. My all time favorite though is the one my friend came up with. He says at his next complete physical when the doctor is ready to do the prostate exam . . .

What is the meaning of this!

At which point he claims the doctor will give him a sedative and proceed anyway! That makes me laugh.

I’ve been trying to find some simple books at the library for Gwen to read. She’s getting pretty good at sounding words out and remembering sight words I tell her. At first I found some super simple books that were perfect. Little stapled paperback books focusing on one word chunk or one sound. I haven’t been able to find anymore since.

The last two times we went to the library I picked up a bunch of Level 1 books. Some were okay but most were too much. I had the same problem with the boys. These so called easy books designed for early readers have too much text. The kids get frustrated because the book is 50 pages long! What is the meaning of this?

One book I picked up was a Barbie book. Gwen insisted I get it because she loves Barbie. It’s possible the book was a Level 2 instead of a Level 1. We’ve read it and taken it back so I can’t check.

I had some qualms with this book. First of all, nobody was named Barbie. Or Skipper or Ken. This new group of Barbie wannabes is new to me. Honestly, the only way you could tell any of the characters were even associated with the doll was by the hair. Anytime hair is drawn ten times the thickness of a regular person’s hair with perfect waves tumbling romantically down the girl’s back ending in beautiful curls somewhere around the knee area, you know Barbie is involved. At least in name.

Speaking of hair, the main character’s hair changed color on every page. It was part of the story. I think the story is based on a movie but still, what is the meaning of this? I could hardly tell who was who in the pictures.

My other problem with this book was the names. While nobody had the original doll names, the names were a little too creative for beginning readers. The main character was named Kristyn. I am not making this up. Her best friend was the token brunette with glasses. A classic literary shadow of “Barbie’s” success and beauty. That’s another issue I have with the book! Anyway, Kristyn’s best friend was named Hailey. For real.

Now there is no red squiggly line under Hailey yelling at me for an incorrect spelling. So maybe Hailey is a traditional spelling of the name. And since I don’t have the book, it’s possible Hailey was spelled Hailee or something else creative. I taught a couple girls named Haylee and Kaycee. They were friends and typically partners in crime. Since they were in the sixth grade I’m pretty sure they didn’t meet each other and change the spelling of their names. That was the spelling on all their school files.

My point is creative name spellings are great and all. But in a story for beginning readers? Come on! At least you could sound out the names in the old Dick and Jane books. Maybe some parents prefer inserting every vowel known to man into the name Amy. For literacy purposes I think we should go back to the basics. I mean really, Ayemie? What is the meaning of this? Ok, so I made up that spelling of Amy and I named my daughter Gwenyth. I’m not putting it in a book for emergent readers!

Yesterday Gwen asked me to read to her. She chose the non-fiction picture book about sea otters from the library. It looked boring to me on the library shelf but we do have a pet river otter named Qualmie from the Seattle Aquarium. Can you imagine if I wrote a story about him? The kid would take one look at that name and their head may explode!

I’m reading along about a brand new sea otter pup and his mother. The illustrations were vibrant and realistic. The text was informative and interesting. Then the story got a little too real. A gray triangle was drawn coming out of the water and the sentences took on an ominous tone.

What is the meaning of this?

I skimmed ahead before reading out loud. “Seriously? I’m not reading that!”
Heath laughed at my outburst. I skipped a page and a half before it was obvious Mom didn’t get eaten by the shark. The story ended a couple pages after that.

Good heavens! Who misshelved that book? There are non-fiction shelves in the children’s section of the library. Many picture books are included. Why the hey howdy hey was this child’s worst nightmare of a story prominently displayed on an end cap of the picture book shelves? Seriously? I’m not reading that!

I’m reading Wuthering Heights right now. There’s a nightmarish story if I’ve read one! I swear I read this book in high school, maybe junior high. I know it was required reading. I wanted to like it but I think I zombie read it so I didn’t understand what was going on. The class was shown some old black and white version of the movie. I was even more lost.

Everyone talks about this classic as so romantic. The characters are certifiably insane. Now I understand what my brother meant when he said, “You know how we grew up in a volatile household? This book makes our childhood seem very tame.” I have to finish the story because right now I’m still wondering what is the meaning of this?

Best Laid Plans

21 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by in Funny, Piquant

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Life almost never works out the way you plan it. Today’s post was supposed to be titled “Diesel Fitter.” We’ll get to that later. I was never a huge fan of having a cell phone. Now I’m in danger of exceeding my text limit. At least my texting diet will only last until midnight tonight.

Heath checked and I had 99 texts left when I got the message that I was about to go over my limit. It seems like plenty right? Not for the texting fool I have become! I would like to thank my mom who sends me War and Peace length texts, my sister who sends me the cutest pictures and stories of her kids, the sister missionaries for keeping me in the loop, my husband for ignoring my phone calls while he’s at work but never ignoring my texts, and of course I would like to thank my friends. Particularly Chris for making my day with the hours of texting about anything and everything we do each week.

Without these people I may never use my phone. Ever. And I certainly would have no need to program my own cell number under the people tab in my phone because nobody would ever need to know it. Heaven forbid I ever learn it either!

Today we have kept every package delivery service in business. We were expecting three separate boxes and each one came from a different delivery person. Heath told me which boxes I could open and that Gwen’s birthday present should come from UPS.

Gwen has been dying a thousand deaths waiting for her birthday. The anticipation of getting a big box delivered today nearly put her over the edge. She is so excited she can’t seem to finish cleaning up her room to make space for this huge new gift.

Her package was the first one delivered. She ran to the door with me all aflutter. Imagine if you will this scene. I opened the door to see a large washer/dryer sized box to the side of the door. Immediately I shut the door and told Gwen to go in the kitchen. Once Gwen was in the kitchen I was able to wrestle the box in the door and up the stairs. Whoosh! That was hard work. It’s ok though, I work out. I just kind of expected to put a nondescript brown box with an Amazon label in the living room to wait until tomorrow.

For this turn of events I would like to thank the good people at Amazon for shipping a birthday surprise to my daughter in a box that left nothing to the imagination as to what was inside.

Kitchen-1
It’s chilling in my bathroom right now. We have a very large bathroom but this box is pretty much taking up the whole room! Here’s hoping Gwen’s curiosity doesn’t get the best of her before tomorrow.

The second delivery came from FedEx. It was my present. I had an emotional weekend and by Monday I was still berating myself for my less than stellar choices. Heath is too sweet to watch me be sad so he spoils me.

We already were planning on going to JoAnn’s to get fabric for another dress for me. Well being the sweetheart he is, Heath let me get fabric for a dress and a skirt and some extras. While we were waiting for our turn at the cut counter (by the way, he had the fabric cut for me while I stood away from all the crowds) anyway while we were waiting he was flipping through the pattern books wasting time. He made me get two new patterns for myself. Two dresses. Another church dress I can totally rock and a summer every day dress that comes with pockets for easy pump access! He has been telling me for a while that he thinks I should wear dresses in the summer.

What does all this have to do with a FedEx delivery? He also picked up an information card for a dress form from JoAnn’s. The original plan was to watch the ads for any deals. Heath is also impatient so he looked online and found the same one JoAnn’s was advertising for $89. The cheapest we have ever seen JoAnn’s sell one for is $100. Sold!

Diesel-Fitter
My new best friend just arrived! Some guy had posted a review of this item on Amazon. He talked about how much his wife loved it. Every time he hears her say, “Diesel Fitter” he knows all is right in the world. At first Heath was confused by the term until he said it out loud in a way overdone German accent. The guy’s review title was Diesel Fitter so I’m guessing his wife doesn’t really talk like that. It is funny though.

I can’t wait to make some more dresses and tailor my last dress some more. Now that I have this cool tool it should be much easier. My mom says she’s a little jealous. She always wanted one but never could justify the cost. Now she doesn’t sew often enough to make it worth it. Too bad. She agreed that Heath did a good job in cheering me up. He’s good at that.

The last box came from OnTrac for Heath. I don’t remember what it is. Gwen was pretty ticked that it wasn’t for her.

Gwen: I only got one box?
Me: You got other presents too.
Gwen: Yeah, just a big box!

Oh you spoiled rotten Little Miss! I’m afraid nothing will ever be good enough for you. I sure do love you though you little booger! I cannot wait until your birthday tomorrow. It will be epic! Oh great. Now the kids have me saying it too.

On the other side

19 Tuesday Feb 2013

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How fast time flies. Six years ago at this time life was normal. I had two tiny little boys and the hope for a third baby sometime in the future. After I forgot about how rough the labor and delivery was with Parker!

The middle of March came with a job loss that changed our lives. We moved out of state and onto the ultra express highway of life. At least that’s what it felt like. Maybe that’s just how I remember it now that I’m on the other side.

My baby boys were suddenly preschooler and toddler and fiercely independent. Some days I saw them as vulnerable little boys. My babies that I hoped if I hugged enough they may never have to experience the pains of life. For not being much of a baby person, I was starting to feel baby hungry again.

We settled into our house and found out Baby #3 was already cooking! The months were filled with appointments and I got to know people fast since I needed babysitters so often. It’s strange to look back now at the moms who seemed so much more mature because they had older kids. I probably took advantage of one mom. She always seemed so cool and collected even though she was also taking care of a brand new baby. The idea of ever being seen by others as the wise mother I saw her as was farfetched.

The transition was so subtle I didn’t even notice. Yet somehow my kids grew. Any nerves I had in sending Gavin to school quickly subsided. I was always ready for each new stage of life he entered. I had a kindergartener and it was exciting! Some moms cried as they watched their kindergartener walk through the door. I could not understand the emotion. Who needs to be sad about sending a kid to school when I had two more little ones at home?

Somewhere along the lines I stopped being the one asking all the parenting questions and became the one people asked advice from. I don’t know when it happened but I soon became the mom who was the go to babysitter. The one who could easily absorb another child for an hour here and there. On the surface I appear as if I know what I’m doing. After all my kids are now 9, 7, and nearly 5.

A friend asked if I would like to go to a kindergarten meeting with her. Sure why not. I never went to any of those meetings with the boys but it could be interesting to go for my last kid. I went with two friends. They are both sending their oldest child into the public school system. We all have nerves but they’re not the same. Theirs is a fear of the unknown. Mine is a fear of knowing too much about the school system. I can’t believe I have to do this again.

My friends feel an excited apprehension and can’t wait to have some extra time alone with their younger children. I am terrified of the time. It has been nearly ten years since I have had any time alone. Naptime does not count. I have grown accustomed to interruptions, to conversations about bizarre topics, and playing every day.

It is so strange to be on the other side. Stranger still that a mere five or six years is all that separates me from being the naïve young mom then and the all wise mother of school aged children now!

Life’s Little Rewards

14 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by in Diabetes, Piquant

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Behold the Valentine Carnage!

This actually isn’t nearly as bad as it could be. The kids cleaned up better than I thought. I am disappointed that Parker’s idea of 50% is one tiny little piece of chocolate off of a small Hershey’s chocolate bar. He was proud of himself for sharing with everyone since there were four pieces but that’s all I got. I thought we had a deal! Instead I get to clean up Fun Dip powder off the table, chair, and floor. Of course that wasn’t Parker. It was Gavin that made that mess.

Now that all the candy has been binged on and my babies are tattooed within an inch of their lives, they are outside running off the sugar high. They should be due for a sugar crash about the time I call them in for homework! Gavin just came in holding the top of his head. I asked what was up and he said, “There’s no time to explain!” and ran into the bathroom. Eh, no tears, no blood, no Mom needed. I am loving this independent childhood stage! After all the years of coddling babies this is a pretty sweet reward.

Which leads me into the point of this post – life’s little rewards. A few days ago I bought some cereal I had seen advertised on TV that looked really good. It’s the Greek version of Honey Bunches of Oats. What makes it Greek is the Greek yogurt clusters added to the cereal.

I love Honey Bunches of Oats. I love most cereal and tend to only indulge when my blood sugar is low in the middle of the night. Otherwise it requires too much insulin and no matter what, my blood sugar soars after a bowl of cereal. I’ve been having really good blood sugar readings in the mornings since I bought the way overpriced cereal. It cost $5 for eight servings. Eight? Nice wish!

Anyway, I have been trying to not pour myself too big a bowl and I have been bolusing correctly. This cereal has magical powers. I am convinced of it. Every time but once I have had beautiful postprandial blood sugar readings. So beautiful. The cereal really doesn’t taste that good. The Greek yogurt was not a great add on but I will eat this every day for the rest of my life if it does this to my blood sugars! I think the one time it didn’t work I had big eyes and poured a little too much.

This morning I gambled a bit. My morning reading was 131 but I didn’t get around to eating for about 45 minutes afterwards. I was too lazy to test again so I didn’t put in a reading to the Bolus Wizard on my pump. Just a carb count. My pump told me to take like 13 units or something. I only had 40 units to last until Heath got home in the evening. I don’t change my own sites and even though Parker loves to help me his enthusiasm makes me nervous. So I wanted to conserve on insulin as much as I could.

I fudged the carb count to bring the required units down. I still didn’t like the number. So I hit the easy bolus button four times. I have programmed that button to deliver two units at a time. So I was only taking eight units for a bowl of cereal. Guess what, it worked! I was 157 two hours later with some extra insulin still on board. Sweet! But then I overdid the snack and was high at lunchtime.

My bike was calling my name telling me it wanted to go out and play. So I ate an apple and had some mixed vegetables and some string cheese. Not a bad lunch. I chose not to bolus anything, not even to correct the high. I wanted to go on a bike ride. The problem is Gwen is little therefore she doesn’t give me any kind of a workout on my bike. I coasted behind her the whole time hitting my brakes every few feet to avoid hitting her. My butt is still not used to riding a bike. I wondered if that pain meant I was getting a good workout! No pain no gain right?

I took Gwen on a long ride up a bike path near our house to a major street (we stayed on the sidewalk) and down our friend’s street back to the bike path we started on. As I said, I coasted the whole way. There is a playground on the bike path so we stopped and Gwen played for a bit. Then she rode home while I coasted behind her. I checked my blood sugar when I got home expecting an ugly number. Nope, I was 124. I am not kidding. I went from 258 to 124 just by sitting on my bike in the sunshine with a sore butt. We ate leftover happy anniversary cake as a reward.

As if that isn’t exciting enough, I lose a pound every day I ride my bike. For real. The bike wasn’t cheap. This is why we haven’t gotten me one sooner but it was worth every penny.

Oh and one more thing, I have given up my mild Diet Coke addiction for bottled water. Never thought that would ever happen! I think people who drink bottled water are annoying yuppies. Ever since Heath bought me that Propel Zero when I had the plague I have been craving it. I bought myself two six-packs from the grocery store. That’s as close to bulk as I could find of the stuff.

Yesterday we went to Costco and I looked for a case of the water. No such luck. So I tried for a similar alternative and decided to go with SoBe. It doesn’t taste as good as the Propel Zero and there are three grams of carbs per serving. Yet there are no calories and supposedly no sugar. Who knows where the carbs come from. Maybe vitamins have carbs! Clearly it doesn’t have a negative affect on my blood sugar since I’m having such a great blood sugar day. Slowly I am rediscovering my former healthy self.

Some days life is just good. Today was one of those days.

Breaking Hallmark’s Heart

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

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When did holidays start coming with a side of guilt? I can’t imagine they started out as the obligatory gift giving Hallmark empires that they are now.

Let’s talk about Valentine’s Day. What is the history of this ridiculous holiday? I would look it up but I really don’t care. The very basis of the holiday seems contrived. Couples can’t think to express love without an annual reminder? Really?

So there’s that part of it. The part that makes every unattached person in the country feel like a complete moron so they hang out with their other single friends having hate love parties. To make matters worse, they don’t even get the day off. What is the point of having a holiday if everyone has to go to work?

But there’s another part. The part that really gets on my nerves. The childhood inclusion part. Have you noticed how every holiday, whether it has anything to do with kids or not, includes children somehow in the celebrations? St. Patrick’s Day comes with leprechauns. Easter comes with a bunny that leaves eggs. What? A bunny that leaves eggs. Actually a bunny that hides eggs. If that doesn’t say Jesus Christ was resurrected I don’t know what will!

At least Santa embodies the Savior’s traits. Forgiveness. How many kids still are visited by Santa even though December was a rough month! Giving. Charity – the pure love of Christ. Secret Santa is all about love and service. Santa’s ok in my book.

Fat angels with or without diapers shooting bows and arrows at people doesn’t say love. It says restraining order. Or at least it should. Who gave the fat babies with wings access to armament ammunition? And with all the gun controversy going on right now should we really support assault with deadly weapons just because they were shot by flying babies?

Anyway, Cupid may be a child but I don’t see how his involvement requires kids to send cards to their classmates expressing love in a way that’s more mature than they usually understand. This is the obligatory part of Valentine’s Day I could do without. The mandatory giving of cards.

Kids used to make their own Valentine boxes. I’m not sure how it is for the rest of you parents but my kids don’t get to do that anymore. It’s now a class art project for everyone to make carbon copies of the same envelope. That way nobody feels bad. It makes me think of The Incredibles. “When everyone is special then no one will be!”

All that being said, I’m kind of craving chocolate. I have never been given a box of Valentine chocolates and it sounds pretty good right now. I’ve mentioned it to Heath. Not in a quarrelsome sort of way. We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day so it was more of a general announcement. “I’m hungry and chocolate sounds good. Maybe we should support the current overpriced holiday.”

The other day Heath showed me Gotye’s video for Somebody That I Used to Know. It’s kind of the anti-Valentine message. Even though the song is about a breakup I absolutely love it. Some of my favorite songs have a very negative message. I think what I love about these songs is not the message as much as the passion with which it’s delivered. I have been in love with this song since the first time I heard it on the radio. The kids know to be quiet when it comes on because they know I love it. Gwen was singing along today.

Apparently Gotye won a Grammy for the song. I am not surprised. It is fabulous. The video is amazing. Normally I see a video and I think that it’s cool but it’s not like it’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t add anything to the song. In most cases the video detracts from the song. In my humble opinion anyway! But this video exponentially adds to the song. You can see him try to control his breath when she starts to sing. I completely understand shallow breathing as a reaction to stress.

The first time I saw the video it looked like she was even crying. I think it’s not a tear but a pale colored mole. Either way they sing with such intense passion it speaks to my soul. Then there’s the art. I’m not one for abstract art but in this case it is perfect. Words cannot describe how much I love music and art so this video is . . . there are no words. It’s so freaking amazing! I couldn’t sleep that night after seeing the video because my soul had been stirred so much. Seriously.

Oh how I love that video! Then Heath showed me a related video. It’s a Star Wars parody. I’m not a Star Wars fan but I laughed my butt off watching this! It was very well done. The singing is great. The art still fits. Most importantly for me, the passion is still there. Well done Star Wars parody geeks.

Well I best be off to help my kids fill out more mandatory Valentine cards for classmates. They can give all the less than perfect ones to the kids they aren’t friends with! Did you used to that as a kid? I did. I gave all the “You are special” cards to the kids I really didn’t like because I would rather be dead than special.

I’ve Learned–The Happy Dozen Version

11 Monday Feb 2013

Posted by in Family, I'm a Mormon, Piquant

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“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”

Walter Anderson

The human life is full of twists and turns, disappointments and successes. Life has taught me many lessons, all of which I am so grateful for. Trust has been a hard earned lesson that I cherish.

Maybe it’s my nature to be skeptical of others and slow to give the benefit of the doubt. More likely my distrust of others stems from nurture. Childhood experiences shape us faster and easier than any other experiences in life. Friends of ours have adopted children. All of their adopted children have similar quirks, particularly surrounding trust and love. This isn’t to say that once the damage of childhood is done there is no hope. Everyone can change.

Love is hardwired into our systems. We need it, desire to give it, and certainly crave it when love is absent. But what is love without trust? Many things fan the flames of love but that element of trust deepens the emotion.

Steven R. Covey said, “Trust is the highest form of human motivation.” In the recent past I have realized the number of people in my life who see me as I can be and not as I am. I feel a sense of trust from these people and want to live up to their expectations. Think Jack Nicholson, “You make me want to be a better man.”

A dozen or so years ago the thick barriers I had fortified around myself started to come down. This change was the responsibility of one man. He quickly slipped into my life and I have never let him go.

Enter Heath. Our story can be found here.

He has taught me so many things. The greatest lesson I have learned from Heath is how to trust and give my whole heart to love. As Walter Anderson’s quote points out, it is a vulnerable position to be in. But I have learned that unless I surrender myself to the vulnerability I will never enjoy the rewards.

I thought I knew how to love others. Now I realize that that love was on a smaller scale. Isn’t it the Greeks who have several different words for love since there are so many levels to it? I had never been in love until I met Heath. One of the great side effects to being in love is it benefits every relationship. As I learned to trust my heart with another person I learned to trust everyone more. My friends, my family, everyone.

Heath and I have been married for 12 short years now. A happy dozen. The time has flown by. It doesn’t feel like we had to put in much trial and error to learn how to work together as a team or even to communicate effectively. I wouldn’t say we just knew those things. We still had to learn but it seems to have come fairly quickly for us. We know couples who have been together longer than us who haven’t yet mastered these essential relationship skills.

The trust has been an incredible lesson to learn. I remember soon after we celebrated our first anniversary that I felt myself actually start feeling complete trust for Heath. How sad is that? That’s the amazing thing about him. He is so patient. He sees who I can be. He believes in me and he will patiently wait for me to become who he believes I already am – under many many layers of fortification rubble.

One thing Heath and I both agree on is that when we got engaged we knew nothing about each other. We both agree that logically it made no sense to promise to spend not only the rest of our lives, but all of eternity with each other by being sealed in the temple. Yet in our hearts we knew it was right. We knew we had found our soul mate and we trusted the Lord knew it and had blessed us with the confirmation of His Holy Spirit. The more anniversaries we celebrate the more we realize how right we are for each other. I can’t imagine being with anyone else.

It is strange to think we started out trusting a gut instinct and soon learned to love and trust each other completely. A dozen years. It’s crazy but it has been so wonderful.

This may be why she swallowed a fly

10 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by in Family, I'm a Mormon

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My heart is full. It can barely contain the love I feel right now.

I don’t even know where to start or how to tell the story. Or even what story I want to tell. I’m just floating on a cloud of happiness right now. And I’m in a bit of a state of shock that is leaving me tongue tied.

It’s our happy anniversary today! I have another post started about that but then I had to do a catch up post. Too many cool things have happened. I don’t feel like I have time to wax all poetic and get in tune with my inner writer.

Yesterday I got a bike. I haven’t ridden a bike since I was probably 15 years old. And it wasn’t even my bike! It was my sister’s! It’s possible the last bike I owned was the purple bike I got for Christmas at the age of 7. I was nervous about test driving a bike but Gwen congratulated me on not falling down so it’s all good. Once we got home we rode bikes around the circle and even into the park. It was so much fun. I am so in love with my new bike! I want to ride my bicycle by Queen has been playing in my head all day.

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Here’s my new dress on me. Heath hates this picture because as an amateur photographer he thinks he should be able to do better. I hate this picture because I’m standing really weird and look like a dork.

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I think I suffer from floating head syndrome because I love this picture of me! And this is pretty much the only part of my body I have come to accept in any shape or form.

Anyway . . . I’m not sure how I feel about the dress. It doesn’t possess magical powers that transform me into the model on the pattern envelope. I still look like me. Only in a pretty cool dress. I am proud of this dress. It has rouching and a bunch of other elements I thought would be really hard.

My friend asked me if I made my dress. When I told her yes she was excited for me. That made me feel good about it. My visiting teacher, the one who helped me take the dress in, approved of my alterations.

I felt really good about myself when a lady complimented my dress. It was at that moment that I remembered she was introduced to me as a seamstress. She said my dress was really pretty then she said, “Wait, don’t tell me you made it!” I told her yes and then she gushed over how gorgeous she thought it was. She was impressed with how well I did on it and asked me if the rouching was hard to do. Apparently she has never done it and is about to make a skirt that looks very similar to the front of my dress.

Another friend thanked me after church. He just leaned in close like it was a secret and said thank you. I asked him why and he said he was thankful for what we did for his oldest son last night. I had almost forgotten that Heath and I went out last night for our happy anniversary and his son babysat for us. This was his first babysitting gig outside of watching his younger siblings. We totally overpaid. On purpose. Adam deserved it. And with the tight finances his family is dealing with right now we figured it was worth it.

dress-and-flowers-006 Then I came home from church and was texting with my friend Chris. He told me he left flowers for me and Gwen. My jaw is still dropped and I have swallowed many a fly in my shock and awe. He left the sweetest card and basically I am still on the verge of tears.

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I am convinced that Chris and I were good friends in the pre-mortal existence. When we had him over on Thanksgiving it was quite the experience. We clicked immediately. It was as if we had already known each other forever. He is the neatest friend, outside of my best friend I married, I have ever had. Words cannot describe how wonderful Chris is.

Oh my heart is so full. It has truly been the best day ever.

Thank you Heath for coming on this journey with me where we could have these amazing experiences together and meet the most incredible people. I love you!

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