What to wear oh what to wear? I have always worn a blue BYU t-shirt on game day. The only exception being the 2007 season when I was pregnant. My shirt was a white maternity t-shirt we ironed on the BYU logo on top of that year’s theme – Fully Invested.

Now I have a pink t-shirt. It says BYU in a Cougar footprint on top of the word Cougars that spans the length of the shirt. The first time I wore it for a game was the second game this season. We lost by one. The shirt had everything to do with that loss in my mind. It didn’t make sense yet it did. Should I wear that shirt on a game day or not? Heath told me that pink is too close to red so I wasn’t allowed to wear it for the rivalry game.

I wore my fitted blue Brigham Young University t-shirt. Heath put his decorative helmet on top of a shelf in the family room. The kids were all decked out in BYU colors. We cheered. Loudly. Somehow the players were completely unaware of us.

No one ever wants to get that kind of reality check. Efforts don’t matter? Clothing choices, whether or not teeth are brushed, and the stock market stats in the Virgin Islands have no bearing on a team’s success on the field? That hurts.

Superstition among sports fans runs deep. Heath is not wearing the gray shirt he had on last week. He has his Rise Up shirt on and refers the players to it often. I’m wearing the pink shirt because I like it. At least I’m wearing my team’s name. Still supportive. The blue bracelet I made hugs my wrist. The decorative helmet still graces the shelf. The kids are not festive today which means no pom poms in Gwen’s hair. Maybe that’s the difference though.

The first quarter is over and we’re down by 3. It’s been a good game so far. My heart still hurts with an overdose of adrenaline and too much pizza in my belly. Here’s hoping all the lucky charms still make a difference. I haven’t lost faith yet.

Let’s start this off with a lighter story. Gavin was outside playing. Every couple minutes or so he would yell at the top of his lungs, “Curse you Perry the Platypus!” In his mind he was on the set of Phineas and Ferb, as a cartoon drawing and everything. He was having fun and it made me smile to hear him play with such wild abandon.

Happy sounds ceased. Panicked screaming took over. “MOM! DAD! IT STINGS AND IT HURTS! OWOWOWOWOWOW!”

I ran to my bedroom window and looked down. There was Gavin holding one hand in the other. My immediate reaction was he was stung by a bee. I ran downstairs while Heath ran to the sliding glass door and Gavin came through the garage crying. Heath and I start inspecting his hand and I see the hugest, fuzziest, blackest bumblebee just crawling around his shirt. Gavin starts to lose it again when we had successfully calmed him down a little. Heath grabbed the bug spray and started spraying at the bee on Gavin’s chest. I held Gavin’s shoulders and kept repeating, “You’re fine. Just relax.”

The bee died and fell to the floor. Gavin stopped yelling but was still shaking. Heath gave him a dose of Benadryl while I rubbed some Cortisone cream on his finger. It hurt all day but he was generally fine. His finger never swelled up or anything. No surprise anaphylactic shock. It’s hard to say if he’s allergic or not with how quickly we got antihistamine drugs into his system.

Once the immediate drama was over we tried to laugh about it to help him get over the pain and fear. Heath kept saying, “Bee why you sting me!” Then he told me it would be a great post title for the rivalry game with the play on words – BYU sting me.

Well, I was really hoping to use it as if Utah was saying it to BYU. Instead I’m saying it as a die hard BYU fan. A fan who watched every painful, bitter moment of the nightmare that was tonight’s game. I watched until the clock showed zeros because Heath taught me that’s what the real fans do. Real fans don’t give up on their team and go home early. Real fans stay and cheer their team on even when they have given the game to their opponent on a silver platter.

Wow. All I can say is wow. What was that? Besides four hours of hell? I’ll give you my opinion. BYU came out jittery stumbling in their adrenaline laced excitement. I can understand that. These rivalry games always start out a little bumpy until the teams settle down a little and start to just play football. Well, BYU made some stupid mistakes. The ball was a greasy water balloon in their hands. Utah was smart enough to take advantage of these weaknesses. BYU gave Utah their first touchdown in the first couple minutes of the game. Ok, ok. Settle down boys. Relax.

There was no relaxing though. They started to settle down but the mistakes continued. With each succeeding mistake and the subsequent luck for Utah, BYU visibly was stuck in their own heads. They were sabotaging themselves by overthinking. I know from personal experience what that’s like which is why it’s so easy for me to recognize it in other people.

The first half was exciting. It looked like it would be a good game. Both teams were playing hard. BYU was still being their own unlucky charm and Utah was there to reap the rewards but I was still hopeful. Then we bathed the kids as quickly as possible during halftime and listened to Parker whine and cry forever because I started the movie back up when he was just lying on the bottom of the tub after turning off the shower. He could have gotten out fast and put his pajamas on quickly and not missed much but no. It’s Parker so he had to make a huge thing of it. Meanwhile the movie ended because there wasn’t that much left anyway and we miraculously got the kids in bed and even better, they stayed there.

I missed a little of the beginning of the third quarter dealing with getting kids in bed and telling them their dad was going to be loud. And no, I can’t make him shut up. Soon I was ready for more football. Instead I watched BYU mentally check out of the game. The game ended in the third quarter but I stuck around for the rest of it. The piling on by Utah. The unclassyness of Utah not only piling on the score but keeping their first stringers in much longer than necessary. I watched Heaps stay in, I’m sure to give him a chance to turn his team’s attitude around. I watched Riley Nelson come out to relieve Jake Heaps and start moving the ball. I watched as more bad luck fell on BYU and good luck be granted to Utah. I watched it all.

Bad day to be a BYU fan. Great day to be a Utah fan. I kept telling Heath that Utah didn’t even have to try for most of the game. They just had to show up. The game would be handed to them by a self defeating BYU. How unfortunate. I feel like I just had a bad dream and in the morning I’ll wake up from it and move on with my life. Heath is mad. So far he hasn’t broken anything. But he’s mad. What a horrible game. I was so excited for this game but I did not expect to lose that badly. Not like that.

B Y U sting me? Why? All I can say is get out of your own head. Get out of your own way and be the team you should be the rest of the season. You can do it.

The worst part of having such an emotionally charged rivalry game this early in the season is it’s harder to shake off. The best part of having the rivalry game as the last game was that it was something to look forward to. I was more familiar with what kind of team Utah was by the end of the season. And win or lose, Thanksgiving was usually barely over and the Christmas season was opened after the game. It was nice to immerse myself in the holidays and move on. Football would be there next year. Not now. This was the third game. And BYU showed up physically but mentally they never showed up to play.

One can make all the difference. It’s the difference between winning and losing. When your team wins by one point life is good. When your team loses by one point it hurts. Big time.

What happened boys? You were up by six for most of the game until the last five minutes when it all fell apart. The offense couldn’t move the ball and the defense got tired while the Texas Longhorns got their second wind. Ouch.

One week ago it was easy to feel good about one point. We were on the right side of that one point! One week later and we are on the other side of that one point. Bitter bitter bitter medicine.

We must win next week. Have to. It’s the rivalry game between the Utah Utes and BYU Cougars. BYU must win. Have to. I don’t know if my heart can take much more so make my heart attack worth it next week boys!