Tag Archives: exercise

For Better or Worse

23 Wednesday May 2012

Posted by in Diabetes, Piquant

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It has been an interesting day. I’ve had my ups and I’ve had my downs. In the end I think I’m all right.

My New Year’s resolution for this year was to wean myself off the anxiety meds. Have I already said that? I don’t remember. At first I kept putting it off because so many out of the ordinary things kept coming up and I knew I needed my Zoloft. Then the whole trip to the ER with all the anxiety meds they kept trying to give me that took hours to take effect. I still want to go off my drugs. I really really do. Maybe this isn’t my year for that though.

This morning I woke up with hello high blood sugar. Good heavens! I can’t seem to get things to work out over night. My blood sugar was very low before dinner last night. We had gone to PF Chang’s for Heath’s birthday. I normally don’t like Chinese food. Too many carbs. Everything tastes syrupy sweet and I don’t really like the taste. I also hate counting the carbs to bolus for it. It’s usually over 90 and I end up conveniently forgetting to add a few numbers. The aftermath is never pretty.

However, last night’s food was so good. It tasted light and fresh. It helped that we chose some dishes that weren’t super high carb. The orange peel chicken was probably the highest carb thing we ordered besides the rice that comes with whatever you order.

The atmosphere at the restaurant was very nice. I have a tendency to think the flavor of my food goes down based on how anxious I feel in the restaurant. This is the number one reason why I won’t go to Chili’s. It’s too crowded and loud and I don’t think they even have booths. I hate sitting at tables. I would rather be tucked away in a corner, or booth. With five people in my family I have to suck it up and sit at a table most of the time.

Last night we were at a table/booth. I sat on the outside on a chair. Normally I wouldn’t do that but I get a little crazy seeing my kids not sitting on their chairs. It always seems like the kids are in the way of all the wait staff and that makes me nuts.

We didn’t have high hopes that the kids would eat much of anything. They don’t like Chinese that much either even though they always beg to go to Panda Express. They ate like champs. They loved the food. When they were finished eating they played with the children’s menus and the wax colored string that came with. They were quiet, happy, and a joy to be out with. My food tasted fantastic. The waiter needed to be reminded to refill our drinks every time but other than that he was really nice. Great experience. Heath and I decided I’m a picky carbaholic. I do love my carbs but there are some I don’t like bolusing for and I don’t like eating.

I share all that because I have forgotten to take my Zoloft and Synthroid pills the last two days. Not on purpose. I really forgot. Missing a couple doses of Synthroid doesn’t really affect me too much. But I sure noticed the absence of Zoloft. Driving has become much more difficult for me. And my imaginary brakes were back in the car last night. I made sure to take my pills this morning. Not that the Zoloft would magically put me back to where I was but I knew I had to take them.

So back to this morning. I was crazy high. My pump gave me a no delivery alarm at the end of my correction bolus. That bothered me because of course it happened right after Heath left for work. Was I going to have to change my site? I haven’t had any more problems with it so it’s still in the same place.

I actually did a workout this morning. It’s always hard to push myself to do a good job when I’m over 300 and feel like crap. I did my best though. I felt slightly dizzy, nauseated, and very sore afterwards. Actually I had a headache and felt nauseated during the workout.

No rest for the weary though because I had to get Gavin’s lunch made and get the boys off to the neighbors for their carpool to school. Not making Parker a lunch was my way of making sure I followed through on my plans. He had a field trip today and there weren’t enough drivers for all the kids. The teacher asked if I could drive him since I’m not approved to drive extra kids. At the time I was excited. This morning was a different story. No lunch for him meant I had to buy him lunch from my favorite sandwich shop before going to the school.

I didn’t have a lot of time to shower, get beautiful, do Gwen’s hair, and buy lunch. Wanting to puke made it hard to hurry. Most of the morning I blamed my nausea on my high blood sugar and intense workout. Suddenly the idea came to mind to take Xanax. It couldn’t hurt right? It worked. I’m sure the high blood sugar was mostly stress about the field trip. I hate that about myself but the fact that I had offered to drive when I heard there weren’t enough drivers is huge for me. So I’ve had some anxiety setbacks. I’m still making remarkable progress.

The field trip was actually a lot of fun. We went to one of the local high schools for their Science Fair Extravaganza. It was a gym full of high school students managing hands on science experiments and first graders from several schools. It was hot, smelled like a school, and looked chaotic. The Xanax worked like a charm. I was totally fine. I enjoyed being there. The high school kids were awesome with the kids. Everyone was so friendly and helpful and patient. Each station was interesting and fun. The kids got tons of take home projects.

Gwen did a great job. Technically she shouldn’t have gone on the field trip. It’s district policy that siblings are not invited. The teacher told me it would be ok. She told me later that her reasoning was that Gwen is pretty much the same size as the first graders and she’s well behaved. She fits right in. Who would know she’s really four? There were a few stations that were harder for her because of the age difference but for the most part I don’t think anyone had any idea. The optical illusion station was interesting. They had the kids read the color of the word, not the word. So the word yellow was printed in green or something. The group leader wanted Gwen to do it. It was super easy for her! She doesn’t read!

I’m glad I went. Gwen and Parker had a lot of fun and they learned a lot too. I was completely calm the whole time. By the time I got home and only had 30 minutes before I had to go back to pick up the boys, I was exhausted. The sleepy side effects of the Xanax chose that moment to kick in. I just laid down and played games on my phone. I’m finally up and alert again. I finished my Diet Pepsi from lunch and I’m feeling pretty good.

This anxiety thing is very frustrating. I hate it. I am so glad that I didn’t give in to the urge to puke my guts up. I don’t know what is up with that but today I didn’t do it. That is big for me. My blood sugar has been in the 200’s all day. Not cool but what can I do? Try to relax, not stress over the numbers, and keep correcting.

I actually went on a school field trip! And I didn’t freak out! I hated field trips when I was the teacher. That’s why I don’t go now that I’m a mom. But I did it! Yay me!

Serenity Now

11 Wednesday Jan 2012

Posted by in Diabetes, Piquant

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Sweat dampens my armpits, the back of my neck, and beads up on my legs underneath my pants. The balmy 70 degree afternoon doesn’t help. Neither does all the extra exercise I’ve been doing today. My meter just read 55, the third low of the day. Hey, my house is clean though. Not sure it’s worth it. As soon as the kids wake up in the morning I have to do it all over again.

A friend of mine once said she never wanted to get into scrapbooking. She thought it was a never ending project. That’s one way of looking at it. Couldn’t we say the same of cooking, cleaning, showering, parenting, blogging, and picking one’s nose? That’s only just the beginning of a list too. With all those things it doesn’t matter how well you do it today, you will still have to do it again tomorrow. Or later in the same day.

So much of life is a never ending project. That’s why I’m going to sit in my perma dent in my couch and eat popcorn after the kids go to bed. I’m not going to watch Phineas and Ferb or college anything (Parkerism). It’s my turn to control the TV!

I will breathe a heavy sigh of relief because for a few hours the dishes are clean, the floors are swept and vacuumed, the toys are put away, and the laundry is done. When I wake up my house will still sparkle and smell good. As the day wears on the kids will use the bathroom and eat and go through outfit after outfit. Slowly my hard work today will unravel. If my lucky stars are shining down on me that won’t happen until after the inspector comes. Oh the joys of renting a home when the homeowner wants to refinance. I know I didn’t have to clean as much as I did. It’s just that it’s not my house. I want it to look its best. He may not be judging me as a tenant, but what if he is?

For now everything is in order. Ahhh . . .

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

07 Saturday Jan 2012

Posted by in Piquant

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Dear Devon,

DUDE! What is your story? Are you an escaped convict or just mentally unstable? Have you ever been arrested for the cold blooded murder of one of your exercise clients? You probably tell investigators that your client lost so much weight they just evaporated.

Since I didn’t actually die this morning. Barely. I have to wonder if you found my old crystal ball from my telemarketing days. I’ve never really seen this crystal ball but people all over the country swore I must have had one because I magically called each household during dinnertime. I worked for 6 hours at a time and inevitably interrupted dinner for every single person I called.

Anyway, after today’s torture I’m starting to believe in that crystal ball again. How did you know I just bent to fashion peer pressure and bought a pair of skinny jeans? That can be the only explanation for the planned 40 minute workout of strictly legs and cardio I just completed.

I don’t think I have ever had to jump, squat, and lunge that much in my life. Some strength training would have been welcome even if it was for my legs. But no. You expected me to run, jump, squat, and lunge all at the same time for 40 of your wrinkle in time game minutes. I’m not sure but I think I passed out a few times in there. Yet you, being the slave driving cartoon you are, kept pushing me on.

My lungs were burning after the first run. At least you recognized my efforts and awarded me with 110 on the workout speedometer. Thank you for that. And if I don’t fall on my head tomorrow wearing my heels to church, I will thank you for what you have done for my body. Between my buns that don’t feel nothing like steel anymore and my screaming calves, falling is a real possibility. I’m going to shower my pain away now. Hopefully I don’t disintegrate in there. Then I will put on my skinny jeans. See you in a couple days.

Tristan

Halfway There

10 Thursday Nov 2011

Posted by in Funny, Piquant

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My legs still hurt hours after my workout with Devon. I thought since the kids were out of school today I would try to catch up on my missed workouts. Then I learned why giving your body a rest is recommended. Have you ever seen a baby animal be born? It awkwardly walks on shaking, nearly useless legs. That’s what I look like. My calf muscles are so tight it feels like an eternal Charlie horse. In both legs. Ouch.

If Devon wonders where I am tomorrow tell him to kiss a cow. I’m taking my rest day. Last week he worked my legs and made me do tons of cardio. Good for me, right? It was. There’s a little speedometer type thing at the top of the screen after each workout. It shows how hard you worked that day. Usually I ramp it up to 80% and while I’m passed out panting, I am proud of myself for my efforts. Last week Devon kept dishing out the pain and I kept on going. The speedometer showed that I had put in 100% effort. My lungs were burning. My hips and butt are so sore I can hardly function. Walking up the stairs is a form of torture. But I gave it my all. Yay.

Yesterday I was pleased to see a larger percentage of exercises would be dedicated to my arms. Oh good. I can get a break I thought. Not quite. Devon still worked my cardio and pretty much the only way to do that is to get those legs moving. Halfway through my triceps were Jell-O. My biceps ached even though I hadn’t targeted them in any exercise. And my shoulders could barely lift my arms for another rep. I dug deep and growled loudly through the workout. Sounds help.

Today I thought I could handle another workout. It was a longer one – estimated to take about 30 minutes, which we all know means it will take an hour. I was also supposed to burn a lot of calories. And the biggest percentage of exercises involved my legs and heart. I almost chickened out. But I did it anyway.

The Wii clock showed that it took me nearly 40 minutes to finish. I didn’t care. My lungs were about to explode and my calves felt like springs might shoot out of them any minute. I took long breaks before beginning each exercise. Forget the on screen messages flashing signs to start. Yeah yeah yeah, I’ll start when I’m good and ready to start. When I finally started I resisted the urge to curse at Devon. I wouldn’t let myself formulate the thought that I was too tired or I couldn’t do it. It was always, you can do this. There’s only 80 stride jumps. Then the next exercise was see, you can do this. There’s only 65 calf numbing jumps with a simulated jump rope. When the burn became too intense I would stare at the calories burning as if my life depended on it. It was too difficult to see how many more reps I still had to do!

The reps would end and I would flop over like a rag doll, wheezing and panting. I’d get a small head rush in the process. Somehow I would pick myself back up and try try try again. I didn’t want to believe that “if at first you don’t succeed failing may be your style!” Instead it was more like “losers never win and winners never quit but those who never win or never quit are idiots!” (Don’t you just love despair.com?)

Devon seemed pleased with my workout today. I really struggled to get through it but I must have hit it full throttle because the speedometer said 100% again. The big letters spelling out Easy seemed a little ironic! These workouts are anything but easy. Devon told me that if I keep working this hard I should see results soon. I wanted to throw something at him since last week the scale showed that I had officially gained all the weight back. Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwch! Yesterday I was down a pound and a half. Today I was down one more.

Heath always tells me not to get discouraged about my weight. He says that whenever I get back into exercising my weight goes up because muscle is denser than fat. Soon the muscle will start burning the fat. And maybe he’s right. The weight loss is encouraging. My sore lower body makes me wonder if my butt is finally eating itself!

At any rate, I think I’m halfway to my goal:

Miss Green

Ta Da! (image found here)

Smoking hot legs and a big round middle. I am Miss Green! I would feel discouraged but she’s a pretty sexy celebrity. I’ll take what I can get.

One day the top half of me will match the bottom half. Until then the kids are gorging themselves on Halloween candy and I don’t care. My legs don’t work anymore. They look good though.

Thursday Night Reflections

03 Thursday Nov 2011

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I’m cured! Well, maybe not really but I have had an epiphany this week.

I am becoming the person I always hoped I could be.

The pervasive negativity that used to surround my thoughts is quite rapidly going away. I am much more positive now. Not always. Let’s be honest. I still have my moments. This afternoon for example. But I am generally becoming a much nicer person. I kind of don’t know what to do with the new me. After all, the joke in my family is that I was in a bad mood for 21 years. The new me, emerging like a butterfly from a chrysalis, leads me to believe the last 12 years haven’t been nearly as happy as I once thought! And I thought they were pretty good.

Have you ever heard of people being afraid of success? It sounds totally stupid and irrational but some people are afraid of success. I don’t think I am but I will say that I may run out of piquant stories if I continue on this road to peaceful bliss. Then who will read my blog? Oh wait, I don’t think there are all that many people who read it now. Just the important people.

Last week I was working out with Devon. Before the warm up even started I was hyper and bouncing. I could not wait to get started. I pushed myself to stretch further than I had in the past. Then the exercises started and a funny thing happened. I never yelled at Devon. Not once.

Every exercise that came up I would say something positive to myself like, “Running? You can do this. This is easy.” When the track came up I knew exactly how to pace myself. As I ran I would encourage myself and congratulate myself. Then I would see I was nearing the end and I would fiercely whisper, “Kick it in! Come on! You can do this!” Basically every cheer my mom screamed at my brother and his teammates at their cross country meets. And from somewhere deep in my toes this burst of energy would wash over me and I would sprint to the finish.

I was feeling tired but in a good way. When my mind tried to consciously think how tired I was I would quickly push out the unformed thought and tell myself I only had x amount of exercises left until the ab exercises. I would tell myself that if I could work hard I could relax with the ab workouts and then do the cool down. By the end of the workout session I felt like a million bucks. Drunkenly walking on Jell-O legs but a million bucks nonetheless.

What happened to me? The power of positive thinking was real. I had just proved it. I’m kind of a freak when it comes to exercising. I am addicted to it and the fact that I have missed 11 workouts for low blood pressure, activities I was in charge of, weekends so tightly scheduled, and Halloween, really drives me crazy. I am Amazon Woman Warrior. Don’t mess with me when I pull out the Wii. But for all that love of exercise, I had found a new level for my affections. Being positive made me feel unstoppable.

This positivity has leaked into my everyday life. I am a much happier and nicer person. I know! So weird. The list of things I can now do without my unwelcome companion Adrenaline is growing. The glass ceiling I had kept myself under is shattering all around me as I shoot up like a rocket into the unchartered chasms of positivity. You think I’m making this up. I am not making this up.

Remember in July when I talked about refusing to feel guilty for not going to a social event that caused me a panic attack? On Tuesday I will face that fear. I will go to a dinner party for the women in my church congregation. I don’t like eating in front of other people and my problem in July was there was nothing else planned. Why did I really need to be there? Well, as far as I know all we’re doing on Tuesday is eating dinner and chatting. What a colossal waste of time, right? Regardless of what I think I have to be there. I’ve been asked to conduct the meeting. I have to introduce the concept of Thanksgiving.

You know what? I accepted without my heart racing. In fact, I had pride in my heart because the reason why I was chosen to do this is because people think I have a way with words. I do love me some good words! And I’m going to do this. I’m not going to die or wish I could die. I’m going to have fun because I can. Maybe some adrenaline will shoot through my body but it’s interesting. It’s amazing what my body is capable of doing. Even more fascinating is what my mind is capable of doing. After this week’s epiphany on positivity I believe my mind is capable of anything. My mind will coordinate with my body and I will be unstoppable! 

It’s going to be a long weekend

30 Friday Sep 2011

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Dear Devon,

We’ve had our differences. I apologize for the four month silent treatment but I needed a break. It’s one thing to feel sore all the time from good workouts. It’s another thing entirely to be in pain constantly with a persistent cough from lung burn and a general homicidal lust for your cartoon death. Just saying.

It’s been a good couple of weeks. Thanks for pushing me without torturing me. Thanks for restoring my love for competition against myself. Thanks for helping me rediscover my best friend – exercise.

Just so you know, I did not dog you this morning. I kicked Heath out of bed and hit snooze on the alarm. My plan was to get up and sweat with you again. The cool air from the open window refreshed my exposed toes while the blankets enveloped me in a warm hug. I had to hit snooze again. I know what you’re thinking. I’m nothing but excuses right now. Why don’t I just shut up and own up to my lacking self control. Because something happened. Before the alarm went off again I opened my eyes to the bed spinning. Closing them made the dizziness worse. I sat up to a woozy nauseating headache.

What the howdy hey was going on? I grabbed my tester to check my blood sugar. The reading was 180. High but not crazy high. Certainly not low. Why did I feel so awful? Lately I have been having more frequent episodes of lightheadedness. Heath said maybe my blood pressure is low. That reminded me I was supposed to be checking it weekly for my doctor. So I checked. The reading was 89/65. Is that too low? Now I don’t remember what the normal range is. I think it’s low 100’s over low 70’s. I could be wrong.

All I knew was that I was not exercising. My electrolytes were all out of whack already and I thought it would be suicide to even think about pushing myself through a workout when I was already dizzy. Sorry dude. I want to exercise. I don’t like seeing that I missed a workout on the home page. I hope I can meet up with you tomorrow morning. But I’ll be honest. I may be selfish and bag it because it’s General Conference weekend. As fun as it sounds to wake up early enough on a Saturday to get a workout in before 9:00 am, I don’t think I will. Please understand. I’m not you. I’m a real person. With real muscles and a real unhealthy relationship with weekend sleep.

You’re a cartoon with spiky hair that never moves and no sweat glands. You also don’t have children you have just spent the last five hours fighting with. Sending the youngest two to bed early for incessant whining and fighting just meant louder screaming. Our poor neighbors. The BYU football game didn’t help. You’re a drawing but you were made by the same creators of NCAA Football 12. Do you have a favorite cartoon team? Well, cartoon BYU kicks butt. It’s in the game. The real BYU football team is stuhruguhling this year.

I love that Heath finally closed the sliding glass door when there was about 3 minutes left in the game. I asked if he felt it was time to give our neighbors a break from our angry screaming. He laughed and said yes. BYU pulled it together and won. With less than 90 seconds left in the game they marched the ball down 96 yards for a touchdown. Wow. That was cool. I’ve always liked Riley Nelson better as a quarterback than Jake Heaps. He’s just more confident and the players pick up on that, playing for him better.

Anyway, any chance we can count adrenaline induced heart rates as exercise? Between screaming at my kids and clenching my fists at a terrible football game that miraculously ended in a win at the last minute, I think I got my fill of exercise for the day. Plus, I think my impromptu lawn mowing from the other morning after working out with you should count for something.

See you on Monday. It’s going to be a long weekend. I can tell already.

Tristan

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