My dress is finally finished! That only took forever. Don’t ask for a picture. I’m on my laptop while Heath is frantically trying to finish his final edits to Gavin’s end of year video project. Besides that, I didn’t do my hair today and I still have my socks on. The dress fits but I didn’t look great in it!
The kids kept asking me if I was saying yes to the dress. Apparently I watch too much TLC. But then Gwen gave me some unsolicited What Not to Wear advice. She told me I looked ugly with my socks on! I assured her that when I wear the dress for real I will take the socks off.
I ran into a couple hiccups at the end of the sewing project. Like my button holer disappearing into thin air. I’m pretty sure one came with my machine. I have vague memories of my mother in law practicing making button holes while she was visiting soon after I got the sewing machine. Those memories could be a dream. My mind makes stuff up all the time!
At any rate, I can’t find the dang thing anywhere. Amazon has some but none of them are Prime. So basically I would pay $3 for one and then like $8 in shipping and get it delivered who knows when. I’m a Prime diva so I said no to a new button holer. Instead, I borrowed a friend.
My friends and I chatted while our kids played and I went home with stitched button holes in my dress. Then the dress sat around for a couple more days as I thought about going back to JoAnn’s to get more buttons. The pattern called for 12 but I had my friend put in a couple extra holes.
Yesterday was the first day I felt negative anxiety about this upcoming trip to Disneyland. Up until then it was all bubbling excitement. My plans were rearranged a bit and for some reason an off schedule caused major stress.
My CGM (continuous glucose monitor) was sensing my blood sugars like a roller coaster. I was up I was down and my stomach was tied up in knots. The later the day got, the less it felt like I was accomplishing, and the more pressure I was putting on myself with this trip. You see, this may be the only time we can ever surprise our kids like this. It has to be perfect! Not good enough. Perfect.
I couldn’t find the no show socks I bought for Gwen. My friend and I were texting. He told me that Gwen would be excited no matter what socks she had. I knew he was right but I bought those socks specifically for the trip. She was with me so of course she saw no reason why she couldn’t wear them right away. I should have lied! Two pair are now lost. They’re partying it up with my button holer.
It was just one more thing. The straw that broke the camel’s back if you will. I was starting to freak out. If it weren’t so late I would have popped the crazy pills. Instead I told myself I could have one in the morning. Only by morning I felt much better and thought I could survive with a Diet Coke.
Shopping did me in. Driving and shopping and basically being out in public. Two years on anti-depressants has almost erased my memory of ever being agoraphobic. Debilitatingly so. How ironic that I would forget a lifelong phobia! I bought the Diet Coke at JoAnn’s and had to have a couple swigs before I could head over to the grocery store.
Food shopping was my other problem last night. Heath is going to make a Costco run tomorrow after work. He’s getting breakfast stuff for our trip. In the meantime we are running out of food at home.
For some reason I develop weird bulimic tendencies when I’m anxious. I don’t overeat but I sure like to purge. Luckily I haven’t tossed my cookies this time around. But seeing that the kids were running low on snacks for school was making me sweat. So I bought way more than we needed but I felt much better.
I am proud of myself for keeping it together this long. The kids act like they sense the nervous energy in the air. They have no idea what’s going on but they can feel the electricity emanating from me. Tomorrow I should just take a chill pill and be super mellow the rest of the day.
It’s almost here and I can’t wait! Especially now that I have a cute dress to wear to Goofy’s Kitchen.