It’s been one of those days already. The world revolves around me, or at least I like to believe it does. The problem with that is I’m not the only person who is so self absorbed. I feel like every time I step out of myself to deal with other people in the world, they put unreasonable demands on my time because it’s all about them.
It took me three hours from door to door for my trip to the endocrinologist this morning. Three hours. His office is located maybe a mile from the school my children go to. Three hours. I want to scream.
One of his nurses or receptionists or somebody called me to set up an appointment with him since it had been well over a year since I saw him last. Like maybe 18 months. He’s not my favorite doctor.
This is the guy who didn’t want to see me even after he heard I had stopped breathing and turned blue from complications from low blood sugar. Yeah, he didn’t want to see me because it hadn’t been a year since my last appointment with him! I’m not making this up. The pump nurse he has dumped all his responsibilities on had to call and do a lot of convincing before an appointment was scheduled. I wasn’t impressed with him before but after that I lost all respect for him.
Since someone contacted me about making another appointment I figured the least I could do was go see him. I wouldn’t want him to stop renewing my Mini Med insulin pump prescriptions! Finding a time to meet with him was extremely difficult thanks to my three kids being on three different school schedules. I ended up agreeing to a 9:00 am appointment on a Wednesday. Only later did it occur to me that I leave the house at 9:00 to take my kids to school on Wednesdays. A 9:00 am appointment wasn’t going to work really well.
I worked it out that my neighbor would not only trade me carpooling days and drive for me today, but that she would babysit my kids so I could leave early for the appointment. Time was tight enough as it was but then Murphy’s Law came into play and the morning was extra crazy.
Homework inevitably spills over to Wednesday morning because Scouts throws such a wrench in our Tuesday evenings. Last night both boys met at the church building we go to on Sundays. It was closer and should have been easier but somehow time evaporated quickly anyway.
Gavin got all his homework finished this morning seconds before we needed to go. He tried to print his assignment. Our printer only works when we have all the time in the world. If we’re in a hurry, it ignores us. I told Gavin to just email his teachers. He doesn’t have their addresses saved. Exasperated I told him to just email me. But then he couldn’t find the assignment to attach to the email. My head was about to explode I was so stressed out!
I told him we had to go right then and I would try to email it when I got home. Somehow my children forgot I was going to the doctor or they didn’t put two and two together. I swear I told them they would go to the neighbors early but maybe that meant nothing to them. They stood on the sidewalk as if the neighbors would be out any minute to drive them to school. I tried to tell them they needed to go up to the door. They didn’t follow me to the doorstep when I knocked. Mrs. Neighbor answered and was trying to get the kids to go inside. She shooed me off knowing I was running late and called to my kids as if they were dogs. My clueless children!
As if there was a hole in my clock, time spilled faster and faster. Five minutes to get to the top of the road to nowhere! How is that even possible? I was speeding a little. That meant I only had ten minutes to navigate school traffic and get checked in. Time was kind enough to leave me three minutes after I parked to race up the stairs. I checked in at 9:00 am. And paid $95 to see a doctor I don’t even like. I hate deductibles.
Not only was time warped today but the scale read that I weighed a heck of a lot more than my home scale told me this morning. Of course I was naked as the day I was born on my home scale. I didn’t think my clothes weighed that much. That’s why it’s better to see a doctor in the summer. Lighter clothes and flip flops weigh less.
Thirty minutes later my doctor walked in. The whole appointment felt like a test. He would say something and scrutinize my face as I responded. Most of my answers were along the lines of, “I know I need to do that.” A couple times he acted so pleased that we would have the same thoughts. I told him I know all the right answers.
For a minute I felt pretty good about myself that he wasn’t upset by my horrifying blood sugars. I told him I was disappointed in myself for where my A1C is and hoped to bring it back down. Regardless of what he said I still feel that way. But he told me that a lot of people have A1C’s in the 6 and 7 range but they get those results from a lot of lows. He told me I could aim for those A1C’s if I could avoid lows. It was almost as if he was fine with my blood sugars living in a high range.
The last thing I need is for my doctor to give me permission to be like this. I get it, nobody wants me to have bad lows. Especially after what happened that one fluke time but there has got to be a middle ground. The realistic part of me doesn’t feel good about all I do to avoid lows. Treating in range numbers as if they were lows is making my blood sugar way too high. I keep going back to what my mom says: Highs kill organs and lows kill brain cells.
Really what I need to do is see my pump nurse again. She is extremely helpful when it comes to diabetes management. The reason why I haven’t seen her in several months is because of scheduling. She is only here on Tuesdays. The one day I don’t even like to answer the phone my time is so precious. She’s punctual and concise so I should just make the appointment. She’ll work with me to find a time in between all my drop offs and pick ups at the school.
The same can’t be said about most other medical professionals. My endo suggested I go downstairs for an EKG since I was due for one. What? I never knew that! He said it’s not a big deal and doesn’t take long. I was really skeptical and just did not want to do that today. He told his nurse to make me an appointment to have retinal photos taken since I was due. That I did know about and I know it’s quick. Which is why I accepted a 10:30 appointment for today. It was 10:20 when the nurse told me about it.
I ran to the other building to get glamour shots of my eyes. I checked in at 10:25 and waited. I waited a full 45 minutes before they finally took me back. The girl apologized for me having to wait so long and was ready to make sure I got my money back except I didn’t have to pay for the procedure. Then she asked me how long I had been diabetic. My brain completely shut down. All I could remember with any clarity was the fact that all I have to do is subtract ten from my age. I just couldn’t remember how old I am! I just need to tattoo the year 1987 in my memory. That would have worked too. After a few embarrassing seconds I remembered how old I am.
She was ready to take the photos. First she asked me what color my eyes were. Then just as she was about to click the button she asked if I had contacts in. Yes I did and needed to take them out. Of course. If I would have planned on this appointment I would have just worn glasses or at least brought them with to slip on after taking my contacts out.
I got my contacts out in another doctor’s office while she had a moment or two before taking in another patient. The pictures were taken in all of a minute or two. Then she was about to point out the restrooms for me to put my contacts back in but they were all occupied. I waited a couple minutes before just walking out. I could put my contacts back in inside my van just as easily as I could in a nasty bathroom.
At that point there was no reason to rush home but I did just because it felt good to be in control of my own destiny. I grabbed Gwen’s booster seat off the front porch and tried to email Gavin’s assignment. I had emailed an explanation of the situation while I waited for my endo.
I had to login to Gavin’s username and I have no idea what his password is. Heath tried to help me over the phone and finally told me I should just reply to the email his teacher sent us. Apparently she already printed his assignment. The only explanation there is he must have used Google docs to write it in the first place. That would have been useful information earlier! Then Gavin emailed me from school saying he got a student gram for forgetting his homework folder, his agenda, and completely forgetting an assignment altogether. Awesome. Life is just awesome.
I did take his homework folder and agenda to the office for him. I still expect him to get the student gram. I wasn’t trying to bail him out. Just that I have to be there to pick up Gwen anyway so I may as well give him everything he forgot because our schedule was so messed up this morning!
The house looks like looters rooted through it while we were gone, only it’s just our mess. The kids have melted down into a screaming match that puddled into indecipherable wails of how much they hate themselves. I need a nap. I’m just afraid to wake up because after all, look what happened when I woke up this morning!