It’s been a gurgly stomach sort of day. I wish I knew why I feel like crap! Oh well, in the meantime I keep sipping expired Pepto Bismol and napping on the couch.

Now that all the kids are home I’m parenting from my cozy spot on the couch. Don’t judge. I did this when I was pregnant and nauseated and so far the kids seem to have turned out all right. I was raised over the phone and look at me now!

Parker and Gwen were playing outside. Gwen’s screeches could be heard throughout the neighborhood. I did what any good mother would do. I sent Gavin out to investigate. He reported that they were fighting. Before I could even think of a plan, the doorbell rang. I sent Gavin to unlock the door for whichever child was on the front step ready to tattle. But our deadbolt is very difficult to open.

When we first moved in, Parker was a curious two year old with no regard for property or the word no. He managed to pull the deadbolt knob off. We just never replaced it because the kids didn’t have the manual dexterity to open the door. Now Parker is the only child who can unlock the door but I don’t worry about him being a flight risk in the middle of the night anymore or opening the door for strangers.

Anyway, I dealt with the arguing and fighting from the reclining position. Soon they both decided to come back inside which was all I wanted them to do anyway. Gwen still was trying to screech her disapproval and I didn’t have the energy to join in.

A stroke of brilliance crossed my mind. My mother in law had talked about yelling gibberish at a spot on the wall in her last comment. I thought we could try it. I described to Gwen a light switch on the wall that essentially does nothing. I mostly chose that one because it was the furthest away from my repose. Then I told her she needed to yell gibberish at it.

Of course I momentarily forgot I was dealing with a five year old. She went to the wall and laugh yelled, “Gibberish!” Then giggled some more. I tried to further define the instructions by saying that you can’t say any real words. Just made up crazy talk. Parker understood and laugh yelled actual gibberish at the switch while Gwen took her turn yelling, “Gibberish!” Gavin couldn’t be left out. He came down and tried it. They were all giggling so I was happy. It seemed to be a good strategy.

Unfortunately I couldn’t maintain consistency easily. Parker’s teacher called me to have a short conference over the phone so I wouldn’t have to meet with her in the classroom later this week. Bless her for that! While I was locked in my bedroom in case Parker didn’t need to hear me talking about him, Gwen and Gavin started fighting. This was just outside my door mind you. I was about to open the door and say, “Gibberish Switch!” but they moved their loud angst somewhere else.

After my phone call I tried to remind them to use the Gibberish Switch. Gavin said, “We worked it out!” Well, at least that. I don’t know what the problem was and I couldn’t care less right now. They figured it out fairly quickly which is a big deal for my kids.

Last night I was thinking about the advice to yell gibberish at a spot on the wall. It reminded me of when I taught fourth grade. I printed out a face of a kid who had this very surprised look. I taped it to the side of a cabinet and anytime the students started tattling I told them to tell it to the face. They would and they felt really stupid but they got the point.

I guess the Gibberish Switch is sympathetic to tattling. I hope so because my stomach keeps turning! The switch won’t know what to do about it but it would be nice to whine to something about it.