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This is my favorite thing Gavin says! My friend and I are always looking for opportunities to use this line.

Tristan hasn’t been blogging much lately. What is the meaning of this?

Gwen doesn’t need shots? You don’t need a urine sample? We’re all done? What is the meaning of this?

Those kind of work. My all time favorite though is the one my friend came up with. He says at his next complete physical when the doctor is ready to do the prostate exam . . .

What is the meaning of this!

At which point he claims the doctor will give him a sedative and proceed anyway! That makes me laugh.

I’ve been trying to find some simple books at the library for Gwen to read. She’s getting pretty good at sounding words out and remembering sight words I tell her. At first I found some super simple books that were perfect. Little stapled paperback books focusing on one word chunk or one sound. I haven’t been able to find anymore since.

The last two times we went to the library I picked up a bunch of Level 1 books. Some were okay but most were too much. I had the same problem with the boys. These so called easy books designed for early readers have too much text. The kids get frustrated because the book is 50 pages long! What is the meaning of this?

One book I picked up was a Barbie book. Gwen insisted I get it because she loves Barbie. It’s possible the book was a Level 2 instead of a Level 1. We’ve read it and taken it back so I can’t check.

I had some qualms with this book. First of all, nobody was named Barbie. Or Skipper or Ken. This new group of Barbie wannabes is new to me. Honestly, the only way you could tell any of the characters were even associated with the doll was by the hair. Anytime hair is drawn ten times the thickness of a regular person’s hair with perfect waves tumbling romantically down the girl’s back ending in beautiful curls somewhere around the knee area, you know Barbie is involved. At least in name.

Speaking of hair, the main character’s hair changed color on every page. It was part of the story. I think the story is based on a movie but still, what is the meaning of this? I could hardly tell who was who in the pictures.

My other problem with this book was the names. While nobody had the original doll names, the names were a little too creative for beginning readers. The main character was named Kristyn. I am not making this up. Her best friend was the token brunette with glasses. A classic literary shadow of “Barbie’s” success and beauty. That’s another issue I have with the book! Anyway, Kristyn’s best friend was named Hailey. For real.

Now there is no red squiggly line under Hailey yelling at me for an incorrect spelling. So maybe Hailey is a traditional spelling of the name. And since I don’t have the book, it’s possible Hailey was spelled Hailee or something else creative. I taught a couple girls named Haylee and Kaycee. They were friends and typically partners in crime. Since they were in the sixth grade I’m pretty sure they didn’t meet each other and change the spelling of their names. That was the spelling on all their school files.

My point is creative name spellings are great and all. But in a story for beginning readers? Come on! At least you could sound out the names in the old Dick and Jane books. Maybe some parents prefer inserting every vowel known to man into the name Amy. For literacy purposes I think we should go back to the basics. I mean really, Ayemie? What is the meaning of this? Ok, so I made up that spelling of Amy and I named my daughter Gwenyth. I’m not putting it in a book for emergent readers!

Yesterday Gwen asked me to read to her. She chose the non-fiction picture book about sea otters from the library. It looked boring to me on the library shelf but we do have a pet river otter named Qualmie from the Seattle Aquarium. Can you imagine if I wrote a story about him? The kid would take one look at that name and their head may explode!

I’m reading along about a brand new sea otter pup and his mother. The illustrations were vibrant and realistic. The text was informative and interesting. Then the story got a little too real. A gray triangle was drawn coming out of the water and the sentences took on an ominous tone.

What is the meaning of this?

I skimmed ahead before reading out loud. “Seriously? I’m not reading that!”
Heath laughed at my outburst. I skipped a page and a half before it was obvious Mom didn’t get eaten by the shark. The story ended a couple pages after that.

Good heavens! Who misshelved that book? There are non-fiction shelves in the children’s section of the library. Many picture books are included. Why the hey howdy hey was this child’s worst nightmare of a story prominently displayed on an end cap of the picture book shelves? Seriously? I’m not reading that!

I’m reading Wuthering Heights right now. There’s a nightmarish story if I’ve read one! I swear I read this book in high school, maybe junior high. I know it was required reading. I wanted to like it but I think I zombie read it so I didn’t understand what was going on. The class was shown some old black and white version of the movie. I was even more lost.

Everyone talks about this classic as so romantic. The characters are certifiably insane. Now I understand what my brother meant when he said, “You know how we grew up in a volatile household? This book makes our childhood seem very tame.” I have to finish the story because right now I’m still wondering what is the meaning of this?